"Rebound"

Dating is a dangerous game, so make sure you know how to play. Even if you THINK you know everything, you better keep that “guide” handy, otherwise you will find yourself in a situation wondering how you got there. One of those situations could be rebounding. Let me tell you, better to be the rebounder, than the reboundee.

Rebounding is the act of expressing emotions you feel with one person on another. It’s meeting a guy or girl by chance or mistake, and treating them with the same love you had for another person that you yearn to show it to. Rebounding can also be the act of letting someone else treat you like you want to be treated, like for example the emotional need of feeling wanted. Mainly a female trait, but letting some guy, or girl, tell you how much they love you, or let them take you out all the time, or buy you gifts, is just as bad as leading someone on. All you are doing is filling a void that has been left in your heart. But what you don’t realize at the time is, that liquid you are filling your heart with is transparent. And even though it has mass and takes up space, you see right through it, and it has no real meaning or substance because it doesn’t replace what was lost. Rebounding is such a deceitful act emotionally because only ONE of the people in the relationship knows, “everything you are doing is really a waste of time for you, because I don’t really want to be with you, I am just using you to get what I need.”

Rebounding can be an emotional release that is needed to move on, but it is definitely a selfish act. There is no righteousness in rebounding, no virtue in its false effigy of how you really feel. Its authenticity is that of a cubic zirconium, which is manufactured by man and not by au naturel. Does it help? Yes. Makes it easier to cope, but leaves a deadly wound on the victims heart. A wound so profound, it could cause them to trust no one, and shut everyone out. Become a one man show in trying to be successful in life and seek help from no one just so he can say, “I did it without you.” He might even seek revenge and “rebound” on every woman he can get his hands on.

What is the cause of rebounding? Typically major break up. You lose someone you really loved usually over something minor, and once your anger or frustration fads, you begin to miss them. You want what you had back and now you seek it in anyone’s face. You give the guy who doesn’t deserve a chance, an opportunity. You look twice at the unattractive guy you wouldn’t normally pursue simply because he approached you. All the while you are secretly contacting and negotiating with your ex for a second chance, rather your ex gives you the time of day or not. Once you get closure from the last relationship, or you renew it and your heart is finally resuscitated, your mind realizes you are stuck in a dead end relationship because this person is not who you really want.

Now your attitude changes dramatically towards them, now you hate the simple things about them. You find reasons to argue because you are honestly upset that you let yourself get caught in this enigma and you need a way to end it quickly. All this because your heart was broken and you sought the easy way to mend it. Such selfishness is not tolerated in karma’s book, and it will come back on you. I know, because I have been both the rebounder, and reboundee. So take it from me, be careful who you give your heart to. And most importantly, don’t get something started you do not intend to finish. You might wake up and realize that the special someone you have been dating for 2 years, never intended to finish it with you from the beginning.

"Cause, I'ma Flirt"

So a certain someone is attempting to CONFRONT me and say I play too many games. I play with women’s hearts and I end up breaking them, so I have been code named, “heartbreak hotel.” What a rude nickname! But unfortunately it may be true. I have some demons in my past, so I am definitely afraid of Karma at this point. But I still stand true to the genius revelation of Big Pun, "I'm Not A Playa, I Just Crush A Lot"

So the question has been raised where do you draw the line? When is it NOT ok to flirt? Well that’s an easy answer. I will flirt with anyone, anywhere, at anytime and think nothing of it. It’s when you begin to entertain the ideas you were originally falsely promoting is when the problem comes. It’s when you get carried away and start getting phone numbers and actually calling them. It’s when you say to your girl “I’m hanging with the fellas” knowing you going out with Stacey from Cold Stone. I was so bad, back in the ‘day day’ as Mi Amor would say, I use to replace girls names I was kickin it with with Guy names in my phone. So Kelly = Kevin. Ashley = Ashton. Sharon = Shaun. Get the picture. Man I thought I was slick!!!

Why do I flirt? I do it all mainly for entertainment. I flirt with women behind counters at registers, sales associates, waiters, all that. Makes the experience more fun and memorable while waiting in line or on my food. I am definitely a midnight story women tell their friends about. “Girl, I met this INSANE guy today at work. He was off the wall.” Rather they laugh with me or at me is irrelevant because I had fun in the process and that’s all that matters. I also do it because it helps me sell things better. So when a mother and daughter come in, I always say “you guys sisters?” The mother eats it up!!! The daughter laughs. It’s a wonderful ice breaker to get the momentum going in the sale.

But I understand the message it might send from the outside looking in. The insecurity behind the uncertainty of your motives can definitely cause some confusion with the opposite sex, especially if we are dating. This insecurity has valid reasoning, so I will not dismiss its convection. However, what about trust? Communication? If you trust me then there will be no issues. Now I am not asking you to be naïve about it, but if you don’t see me acting distant towards you, or my behavior doesn’t change, then you have nothing to worry about.

Mi Amor is rather aware that no woman comes before her so my flirting does not bother her as much. She is rather cocky about the situation if I might say so, that there is not a woman out there that competes with her and my love for her. And trust me, she communicates that to me very well!

So does it really all boil down to confidence? Sure does. That’s why you see the ugliest guys with the baddest girls. They all have confidence in themselves and women see that. Be confident that you, as my girlfriend, have my hearts undivided attention. And that’s what matters most. Unless Christina Millian comes along, then you might have a problem.

"Resentment"

The question has been raised to me about having resentment towards God because He took away a family member before they wanted Him to. I am not sure how you want me to present that, so I will do it the only way I know how, truth.

Everyone has lost a family member. Ask yourself this question, when is it ever COOL to lose a family member? Or anyone for that matter! Like "Damn, I am so gald that nigga is dead!" There is never a RIGHT time for it to happen, it just happens. Rather you lose someone while they are still living, or they pass on. It hurts because you invested a part of yourself with that person and you will never see them again on this earth. How can you resent God and expect Him to be hurt from your resentment in the same way you are hurt from losing a loved one?

God heard you when you said, “God, why did you take him/her away, I needed them. They were my support.” If you listen hard enough, what God is trying to say back to you is, “You don’t need them, you need Me.” Maybe you follow the rules and regulations of this person so much you forget about Him. What if that family member was aware of this and had been praying for you all along, that God find a way to bring you closer to Him? Well, maybe He has, you just don’t know it yet.

Consider this. Have you ever stopped to think about the relationship your loved one had with God? What if they were experiencing so much pain, a pain you are involuntarily deaf to, and God decides to relieve them from it? Ever stop to think God has a plan that’s BIGGER than just you and how you feel about a situation?

It is such a selfish thought to only consider yourself in the equation of someone ELSE’S life. To think the only thing that mattered when it came to this person was the relationship you shared with them. In life, things happen we don’t agree with. And when resentment to this level is involved, its because you don’t understand why it happened.

If you take nothing else away from this message, remember this. Do not try and understand what God is doing and just have faith that it is the best thing for you in the end. Because it always is. That was the first mistake we ever made by eating the forbidden fruit because we were desiring His knowledge, and look where that left us. We damaged our souls/spirits so heavily that it took God Himself to be made flesh and take on the sins of the world as the perfect sacrifice. A sacrifice of pure, unconditional love. So next time you are feeling the pain of losing your loved one, ask God how much it hurt to see His son be crucified.

Stop cursing God for what you have lost and thank God for what He allowed you to still have. Thank God for your health, and that YOU do not have cancer. Thank God that you still have FAMILY. There are people out there who have no family due to a house fire, or some other disaster. Stop and smell the roses for a change. If anything, losing a loved one should show how frail and temporary life really is. You should learn to appreciate it, instead of crying when things don’t go your way, like the child you ONCE were.

"An Interesting Theory"

I read this somewhere, don't remember where. Now I do not follow the whole astrology thing, but this is very interesting. Tell me if you think its me? There are so many parts to it so I am going to break it down in pieces.

Pisces and Independence:

Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. When they are independent and inspired by life's events, their creativity comes shining through but they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.

Pisces and Friendship:

Pisces will go out of their way to help a friend. They are extremely sensitive and loyal. They will take a friend's problem and make it their own and suffer with them. This is the weak spot of Pisces but any friend of this zodiac sign should know that although they are attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help, this actually does more harm them good. Even though Pisces will offer to make everything right, do not allow them to take on all your problems because they will lose their identity in your situation. They need a strong positive friend to make them strong. Pisces like adventure, new situation and social events. A Pisces friend will always have something exciting in mind and it is a very fulfilling, long lasting friendship.

Now this is scary true! MAKES ME HATE BEING BORN IN FEBRUARY! Mi Amor can atest to me being my own worse critic over the most trivial subjects. Though I am pretty independent so this is not all the way true for me. I don't need affirmation on things in life. I am confident, and to some, arrogant. But I am so loyal that I look to help solve others issues when confronted with them. I feel like its my destiny in some way to inspire others because of how much compassion I have for others. And whoever I marry is going to be the happiest woman alive because of how I am going to treat her. God loves me unconditionally, and so I must do the same. There is more to come on the dive into my personality. Much more. Stay tuned

"The Grim Reaper"

Reaping what you so. I am afraid of being a victim of this karma so I am going to ask God to forgive me for anything I have done in the past. I feel compelled to tell the story because I have done some dumb things in the past. So today I just want to keep making the right decisions towards my Goal and pray my future is not full of demons from my past. And cut off all unneeded accessories and extentions in my life, rather I want to or not. Rather material, or a person. Some things MUST change.

Keeping it short because I just had to release this feeling on paper. More to come soon.

"Where..."

This is going to be out of my normal style because it involves some minor verbal abuse. Where are all the real people? I am tired of helping people who are pretending to be my friends, when really they are not worth the garbage I throw away. I am tired of devoting myself to others and giving up my own happiness just to satisfy someone else. I am tired of putting myself on the line and sacrificing all that I have for people. I realize I make choices and I have to live with its consequences, but I am sick of people not willing to sacrifice for me. DO SOMETHING FOR ME FOR A CHANGE. COME TO MY AID WHEN I NEED YOU.

It seems like I am always there for other people in their desperate hour, but when it’s my turn, my so called "peeps" are about as populated as Iowa. Do you know anyone who lives in Iowa, or even from there? EXACTLY. I have found myself full of anger and ready to manifest it into something violent which is why I am voicing my heart through this keyboard. I am in a state of unrest and I am ready to make someone feel my frustration. Anger has gotten the best of me at the moment, and I am now a slave to it.

So where are all the real people in my life? Where is the person who I can call on and say "I need you" and they respond without hesitation, "I am here for you." Where is the person willing to sacrifice for me? Where is the person who has my best interest in mind and is here to support my stumbling feet? WHERE! Where is the person who puts there own feelings aside to assist me like I do for them, in my darkest moment?

All I ask for is Loyalty. I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I will stand by you even if you flee from me. I will hug you even if you spit in my face, or stab me in the back. I love you. Where are the people with the unconditional love around here? Why can’t someone love me like I love them? I don't mean treat me the same way, I mean have a deep-rooted affection for me that compels them to strengthen me when I am fatigued. WHERE IS MY HELP!?

Where is the person that loves me so much and knows me so well they can tell when I am lying about my feelings, and when I am sincere. Where is the person who can see my pain a mile away and it hurts them to see me in such defeat, they offer me comfort? I don't need a solution from anyone, but I do like to be attended to when I am wounded. Is that too much to ask? I do it for you ALL the time!!

When does it end? When it is it my turn to feel good? When is it my turn to walk across some of that green grass and stain my shoe? When is my path going to present itself and say "Follow me?" When am I going to be forgiven, and not tormented? I am wrapped in such a ball of confusion, I spend time doing simple things just to find comfort in them because I am surrounded by complexity. GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME! RELEASE ME FROM THESE BONDS!

I need space. And I need it now...

“Chemistry VS Compatibility” Pt 2

I want to expand on the idea of “Chemistry VS Compatibility” for a second. Compatibility is also a when two people come together and their goals, morals, aspirations, values, and characteristics are parallel. It’s having the same beliefs. Being a different person externally, but the same internally. It’s like having a Dell computer, but adding a HP hard drive to it. Different company, but the same TYPE of hard drive.

I went to the movies once with a special someone to see The Love Guru. Now before we actually went, everyone I knew told me that movie was whack and I didn’t want to go. But the special someone insisted that we go, and because her happiness overrides my own, I agreed with complete sincerity. We never laughed so hard together in our lives! I mean, our laughter was so compulsive and boisterous, if the movie theater had not been empty, we would surely have been kicked out! We laughed until our cheeks were numb and our tear ducts were dry. The moral of the story is our characteristic compatibility allows us to enjoy each others company, without forcing it.

Being compatible is not just about laughing at a movie though. Its about being able to consult one another’s opinion and have the same ideal. To be able to discuss what’s important to you and not just be in endless agreement, but bring a different angle of the story. It’s the same coin, just a different side. You can talk anywhere from Spirituality to your political position. Yes, there will be moments of disagreement, and that’s because we are human. But disagreeing with me doesn’t mean to disown me. Differences actually help better understand the individual. You never know, you might even change your position after a valid explanation. And isn’t that what dating is all about, a means to understand someone?

You hear me, but you ain’t listening.

Chemistry is just being able to interact. Take the same story of going to the movies. Now let’s say I went to the movies with someone else to see The Love Guru in stead of that special someone. This new person may laugh, but its not the same. We laugh because it’s funny at times, but there is no connection. We may have the chemistry to like movies in general, but we don’t like the SAME movies. We do not laugh at the same things. Chemistry will bring you to the movies, but compatibility allows you to enjoy the movie TOGETHER. The experience is just that much more enchanting.

Someone asked, “Can the compatibility be there, but the chemistry be lost?” The answer is the chemistry is not lost, the romance has just ceased. And what is the definition of romance? Lorenz Tate said it best in the movie “Love Jones.” Tate said, “Romance is about the possibility.” “So when people say the romance is dead, that’s not true. What they really mean, is they have exhausted the possibilities.”

I got more coming so just hold on til next time…

"Chemistry VS Compatiblity"

"The interaction of one personality with another"
- Chemistry

"Capable of orderly, efficient integration and operation with other elements in a system with no modification or conversion required; capable of existing or living together in harmony"
- Compatibility

"You can have chemistry without compatibility, but you cannot have compatibility without chemistry."

The Question has been raised to define the difference between having chemistry with someone, and being compatible with them. Very good question. Chemistry is just simply the ability to mix. Compatibility is the ability to mix and still be the same flavor, and in some cases, enhance it. Its like having a traditional Margarita, but instead of having 1800 Silver in it, you add Patrone. The addition does not change the flavor of the Margarita, just adjusts it slightly. However, chemistry is just like adding ice to the “Margarita” and watering it down.

Chemistry is the ability to hold a conversation with someone without losing interest rapidly, and frequently. Compatibility is the electricity of a conversation that is profound, keeping you grounded, and not wanting it to cease. So how do you know you have Chemistry or compatibility? Well, what are your topics of conversation? If you are talking about the latest apparel constantly, then you are just in endless agreement. But if the topics are of importance, expressing measures of your intelligence and learning from each other, then we are getting somewhere. Analyze who it is you are talking to, and what they are saying. This is where you find out rather the relationship is either a stuffed animal, or a puppy. Both fun, but what’s the difference? One is WAY more interactive than the other, and actually “real.”

When I asked Christina how she met her fiancé Jonathan, this is what Christina had to say. “... we hit it off great...ummmm his headline was a lyric to one of lupe fiasco's songs… so i decided to send him a note and in it i didnt put [nothing] else except the rest of the lyric… ummm we ended up being on the phone that night… talked every [freaking] day str8… if we wasn't talkin we was textin… and i think on the 4th day we hooked up” This is a prime example of chemistry MASQUERADING as compatibility. Sounded so good on the surface, but in the end, all Jonathan did was drop a couple of cubes in Christina’s “Margarita.” The relationship was based off the High of the moment, instead of its “sabor” or essence. This is chemistry in its most confusing form, being momentary and physical. It swoops down like a peregrine falcon and captures you in its appearance. But it doesn’t always have a happy ending because in this case, the engagement was silenced after Christina saw Jonathan’s TRUE colors.

You can still have a relationship with someone based off Chemistry, but the experience is not as savoring or prosperous as a relationship based off compatibility. When speaking to Frank about how he feels about his “Running Mate” Tiffany, he had this to say. “… She is such a strong woman that it’s like I don’t even deserve to be her friend, let alone her man... She inspires me to do the right thing, to make the right decisions… She brings the best out of me… She is my strength in my moments of fatigue…” Frank is smiling all the while he is making these wondrous claims. When Frank met Tiffany, he was sipping on a “Margarita” too, and Tiffany added that good ‘ole Patrone, amplifying its essence. You can tell its something spiritual between them rather they are under the microscope of the public, or the seclusion of their home.

So what did we learn today? To check the pulse of your relationship through conversation and interaction, and ask yourself, “Is this even alive?”

" I Don't See Nothing Wrong..." - The Original

Back by popular demand is the entry I originally took down because I thought it was too vulgar. But I was told it was fine so read it if you like. It has been untouched and unedited because I want to see if anyone dislikes it.

Warning! This is definitely rated NC-17. Not because it is graphic, but because its an issue only the mature can stand to read. Please note this should be read with some maturity, and do not get caught up in moments where I might become “descriptive”, thinking I am trying to be freaky. I have to use examples in order to make my point, so grow up.

I have to be careful when speaking on the subject so bare with me if it is lengthy. Today’s focus is sex and the two different types, Pre-marital and Post-marital. So to make this flow a lot less vulgar and even borderline offensive, let’s replace the three letter word with another, “lay.”

Let’s start with “laying” down under pre-marital circumstances. First off, above anything else, it is a sin against our Heavenly Father. Fornication is one of the things God tells us to stay away from because He knows the consequences. Believe me, the price to play the game is steep. Anything from babies, to the sadness of miscarriages. The punishment may not be instant, but it’s almost always severe without repenting.

This version of “laying” is that of a mishandled drug, such as aspirin. Aspirin has its designated purpose, to suppress any type of aching muscle. In the words of Katt Williams, “But if you take thirteen of them [thangs], it will be yo last head ache.” “Laying” before being married with an individual can be dangerous, even deadly. Just think of the AIDS epidemic that is sweeping across America in the African community.

You can even think of “laying” in a different aspect, but same type of abused medicine, such as Nyquil. Nyquil contains an ingredient called doxylamine succinate, an antihistamine, or a more interesting term, hypnotic. Some people need Nyquil because they like to be “put to bed.” Others need Dayquil because they like the energy it spawns, and it helps get the day started, just as Martin Lawrence relates to in Bad Boys I, “I’m a better cop when I get ‘some’ in the morning. I feel lighter on my feet.”

This is where it gets “creative”, so if you wish to skip this next paragraph please do so now.

Different acts of expression, or for a less sensitive term, “variations” of pre-marital “laying” can also define ones hidden characteristics. I am going to speak in computer dialogue for a moment. A woman who likes her hard drive backed up is usually a woman who is indecisive and likes to be dominated. She likes when a man tells her what to do, where to go, and how to act, and are always the ones complaining about love and how they haven’t found it. A woman who likes to have her IM chat overriding other windows is a sign that she is independent and likes to be in control of everything. These are the same women that a lot of men fear. These same rules apply to men as well, it’s just the reverse.

A youth pastor was talking to his students, who are high school students from 9th – 12th grade, about receiving a car. He asked, “How many of you would like a car?” They all raised their hand. Then he said, “Picture this, there are two options on the table. Option number one is a used Volvo. Option number two is a Porsche 911. Here is the catch. The Volvo has some miles on it, is in ok condition, and will get you from A to B, but you obtain it right now. Option number two is a Porsche 911 that you have to wait five years for, but its brand new, fully loaded, and has everything you want. Which would you choose?” Some people said the Porsche, but others said the Volvo. They chose the Volvo because they wanted to drive NOW. They wanted to have what is to come now, not realizing its BARELY fulfilling. Its just to say “I have a car.” I ask you the same question. Why settle for what only amounts to “satisfying”, when you can have what you truly “desire” if you wait? Which leads me to the next version, Post-marital

"Slow Down"

"Niggas run past what they need, chasing after what they want..." (Talib Kweli)

In life we are so busy trying to obtain what seems impossible at the moment, instead of just stopping to smell the roses. As humans, we live in the moment and when we see something we want, we try to do what it takes to have it. I say we turn over a new leaf and put that same energy and drive into developing patience and wisdom. The patience to seek those things when the time comes, and the wisdom to know when that time is. How many people have ever seen a shirt they like, or a coat, or some electronic gizmo, and drooled over it some much and said "forget it, I'm buying it!", knowing thats rent money? And then 2 months later, its on sale or some other gadget comes out thats better than what you have and now you want it? Yeah, see thats what happens when God pulls you over for speeding. I am a victim too so do not feel bad. Plus it could be worse. But there is a time and place to obtain the things we desire, and a time to just be thankful for what we do have, and sometimes, just settle for what we need. And let me be the first to tell you, the grass is DEFINITELY greener on the other side. Sometimes we get the things we so called "can't live without" just to find out its not even close to what we were lusting over it for.

Its 4:40 in the morning and I am awake thinking about the things I am chasing after, when I need to be grateful for what I have. One of the things I am lusting over, chasing after, and sometimes suffering over, is the one thing I need to be MOST patient about. I pray God that you instill that patience I need in me and you reveal to me what is on the "agenda" for the subject. But I ask these things be done according to Your will and they be presented to me in a time that You feel is appropriate for me. Until then, BE PATIENT. I am MORE than grateful for what I do have, and I thank God that I have it. But its one of those things that I think I can't live without, when really, I live because of it.

"I Don't See Nothing Wrong..." Pt 1

I apologize to all those who read this entry already, and to those who may have wanted to read it, but I had to take it down. I don't feel like it conveys the message I want heard so I am going to start all over again with it. Look for it in the future.

"Afterthoughts" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 9

I want to make one thing clear. This is not a hand guide on how to make a marriage work. I wrote this for stimulation purposes. I want us all to get a better understanding of what it means to marry, not the means in which to carry it out.

There are a few more things to think about in marriage, and one of them is “definition.” What is the true definition behind your conduct between one another? What is your true definition behind your words? What is the true definition that drives your love? These are all questions to ask yourself before you select your running mate, or even when you have selected them, but definitely before you say ‘I Do.’ When it comes to conduct, start exercising the platinum rule, “Treat others how THEY want to be treated.” With speech, it has more substance to say, “I would die for you”, than to say, “I would die without you.” Just ask Jesus. The motivating force behind your love is how you want to be treated and spoken to in your “Love Language.” “(Read the book, “the 5 love languages” to understand more)

Last thing is trials and tribulations. Arguments should not separate you and your running mate, it should bring you closer. Closer to understanding the individual, closer to your mate understanding you. Learning the differences between each other, and the similarities. Learning how we express what we mean, and how we interpret what you say. We disagree with everyone on something, so its nothing to cry over. Its all about what that something is and how often it surfaces. I know its hard to come across someone who you think is attractive, is intelligent, and all that jazz. But I leave you with one absolution, the moment you stop looking is the moment you find what you are seeking.

"The Final Stand" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 8

Now that we know what actions to perform, what conduct to display, what character to possess, and spiritually welded with our running mate sent by God, its time to really start marking off those things on the spiritual agenda. As we walk with God and follow closely to Him with our running mate, its time we shine up our Armour Of God and really put it to use.

Having our loins, girted with truth. The truth being when people look at us, they don’t see just see us, they see the character of God in us. Throwing on the breastplate of righteousness because it’s what we cover our heart with and separates us as believers. Our feet are shod with the preparation of peace because not only do we walk with God, but we also run to tell the Gospel and the peace God has given us. We must grab our shield of faith, for if we believe in God wholeheartedly, then there is nothing we can not withstand when we put God before us. We put on our helmet of salvation because we know we are saved through the blood of Jesus that’s spilled over His head, and through that knowledge do we stay motivated to continue to fight. And finally swinging the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. By studying to show ourselves approved unto God we fight the spirits of fornication and adultery. The spirits of envy, hatred, idolatry, emulations, and all other things God has deemed to be works of the Flesh. We use the sword to cut down the trees and bushes of the enemy that blocks the view of our destination.

And one thing is for certain, you definitely need a partner during all of this. Because God saw fit to cover your head, heart, legs, and chest, but purposely did not cover your back. That because if you fight alone, you will be wounded from behind because you can not see everywhere at once. But if your running mate is on they job, standing behind you, being your support, your backbone in the places where you are weakest, then there is no way you can falter. That followed swiftly behind God pointing you in the right direction, you are ready to take on the world, and to fulfill your destiny.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24; Ephesians 6:12-19; II Timothy 2:15

"Face To Face" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 7

In the bible it speaks how a man should cleave to his wife. The definition of cleave in greek means welding. When two people get married, they become one flesh. This is important to think about because we need to be pure to each other. One person being righteous and another pretending, in the end will equal chaos. Like I spoke in “The Importance of Character”, hiding one mask beneath another, the hidden characteristics will be molded in as well. Look at Harvey Dent/Two Face.

Though his character was obviously scarred, it is a great representation of what happens when the welding goes wrong. When God does the welding, He welds spiritually. When we as humans try and do the welding, its always through emotion, or physical attraction. This form of welding always equals issues. Two Face was created through the emotion of loosing his fiancé Rachel. He felt like he lost his better half, so he replaced it with evil. Since Harvey and Rachel came together through emotion, when he lost her, he had no one else to turn to, nothing left. But when God molds you, if you ever lose your other half, you know you always have God to comfort you. God will be your husband/wife until He gives you someone else, or you go and be with Him.

“If a broken person mends with another broken person, or even a whole person, it creates broken children. Then those children grow up to do the same and the cycle continues.” (Solomon Kinloch Jr.) We have to come together properly not just for us, but for our children too. And for all the people who grew up in a household where our parents were always in a disagreement, you know what I mean. We have to let God do the welding. Only ten percent of a marriage is suppose to be bad. And that’s only because we are still human no matter what, so there will be conflict. But when we come together on human agreements, it’s a lot worse than that.

The devil also tries to sneak into your household and break the bond God has created. He will try to make things seem worse than they are, and have you over reacting about who drank the last of the milk. We have to remember "we wrestle not against flesh and blood.." In order to withstand those fiery darts, we must have on the full Armour of God.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24; Ephesians 6:12-19

"Just As I Am" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 6

Below is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to Mi Amor.

“My sister was telling me about a young pastor she was listening to once and he was talking about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. When they ate the forbidden fruit, their eyes were opened. You know the story already I am sure. They covered their bodies with figs because they were naked. But its deeper than that, they were hiding the things they were ashamed of. She was telling me how when you love a person, you can not have those figs. You should be naked to each other. You should love everything about them. Embrace the things they hide in dark corners and make them feel safe about it. Comfort them. Just as God would comfort you. I was getting blown away but she wasn’t done. She also spoke about how when Jesus rose from the dead. When He was among His disciples, to prove He had risen, He told I think Peter to touch Him in the places where He was wounded. She said to let someone touch your wounds, it hurts. So you only show what really hurts you to your real friend.”

The rest of the letter was for her eyes only, but I want people to understand how important the meaning of coming naked to your running mate really is. Once God presents His person of choice, just like we come open to Him, we should be open to each other. Show our running mates the things that hurt us most. We can not cover up those things we are ashamed of. We have to be true to each other and not fall for the extensions of the person we meet. A lot of women wanted to jump on my band wagon when they found out the kind of car I drive. This is the example of someone just liking you because of what you have to offer.

Have you ever talked to someone and felt dumber after having that conversation? Have you ever had so many options in front of you at store you don’t buy anything because you are too unsure? That’s what happened when Adam and Eve bit the forbidden fruit, it gave them too many options, and too much knowledge. They became too aware of their surroundings and began to make decisions of their own, instead of following God. Things that are tempting on the surface are usually not good for you. That’s why God had them eating from the tree of life, because it represents all the things that edify the body to grow in the spirit of positivity.

Now that we are eating from the tree of life by reading God’s word and practicing it, we have to present ourselves with complete honestly to our future running mate. Yes there are things about us that we are not proud off, but we have to show those things to our running mates, and believe me, they will accept you. They will except you because they have issues themselves. When we get married, two people become one, operating as a single unit. One team, one dream.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24

"Choosing A Running Mate" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 5

We have to be ready for our running mate sent by God. A friend of mine was saying “I have to fight this feeling I have for a guy I know! I am not ready for it! Is that evil?” I thought to myself, “Deep question. It may seem like you are evil, but what you are really doing is preventing a good thing from turning evil. This is due to you not being ready to treat it like the good thing it is.” Same is true with everyone and God’s choice for us. We have to be ready for it.

But before God shows us our running mate, we have to have our spiritual agenda. Your spiritual agenda is like Obama’s economic plan for the country. Only difference is, it’s not about just improving yourself, it’s about devoting yourself to God’s will and making yourself a vessel unto him. And your running mate will be the earthly support to help bring you closer to that destiny. Though you and your running mate have different paths as far as what your part to play is on the stage of life, it should still all be done to edify God.

I am using a political simile of the Obama and Biden campaign because they should have the same democratic agenda. Obama took his time picking his running mate, getting all kind of confirmation before introducing him to America. Now I don’t know what the process of elimination Obama used to pick Biden, but I am sure it was a difficult and strenuous one. This is the same thing God puts us through.

The importance of me bringing up the matter is that Biden is not trying to replace Obama, but simply be the backbone of his ambitions of becoming president. Once there, he will be in the shadows just in case, while Obama works with his presidential cabinet on improving America. In our case, God is our presidential cabinet and we are the Commander and Chief of our environment.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24

"The Importance of Character" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 4

“God doesn’t want to change your conduct, He wants to change your character.”


“God is the potter and we are the clay.” We need to focus on God molding us into what He wants us to be. Your life should be just as much the same in public, as it is in private. What we watch on television, read in books, and places we dwell, should all be things that can be shown in public atmosphere. The things you value in shadows, will eventually come to light. No matter how much you hide something or cover it up, when you wear one mask to yourself and another to the multitude, eventually you will forget which one you are hiding.

We try so hard to mask those things we don’t want others to find out about, rather its something you feel others will not accept, or something God himself will not tolerate. But over time we wear the “hidden” mask so frequently, we sometimes grab it in a rush and wear it in moments we deem forbidden. And eventually, the two faces have a tendency to become one. Now we can’t turn them off and on.

If our character is different, if what we value and believe is that of alignment with God, then there is only one face. The right face. The right attitude. The same things you say and do in the safety of your home, you would do in the “openness” of a football stadium, with cameras focused on you, flashing. You become a practitioner of the Living Word, and a proprietor of the truth. You are disrobed in the spirit, hiding nothing. Exposed to the world, but reborn as a naked child of God.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24

"The Definition of Character" - Before I Say 'I Do' Pt 3

“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance”

I can't tell you how to do these things, because I am still learning myself. But with all these things, we can be the arbitrator of God's promises, a walking testimony of what God can do. Your character is what you believe in, what you practice, what you value. I will admit, I am lacking some of those. But let me tell you what I have gained. A year ago, I was the saddest person you ever met. I was alone, I was exhausted, I was ready to give up. Then I met Mi Amor and she re-introduced me to God.

Have you ever been so down, so low, so defeated, you no longer feel you have a purpose? Ever felt like your foot is heavy on the accelerator, trying to speed off but you are stuck in neutral? That’s how my life was. I was seeking so much acceptance from other people, I was overall denied the essence of life because I was seeking it in the wrong places. “Cause if you didn’t define yourself, for yourself, you’d be crunched into other people’s fantasies of you, and eaten alive.” (Audre Lorde) I was so busy trying to prove myself to other people, I didn’t think about ALL the consequences of my actions. Or what it really takes to be an adult. I was definitely caught in a nightmare, that others would call a fantasy. I will spare you details, but you know where I am going with it.

I hit rock bottom emotionally. I was drained. Everything I had built with my own strength, my own knowledge, was torn down. But then I was shown the light. God. He watered a seed that was already planted and made it grow. I screamed out my pain to Him. I took my burdens to him, and left them there. He replaced them with Joy. A Joy I have never tasted before. An inner peace of tranquility. A happiness that can never be taken away from me. I LOVE God. I have had some suffering in my day. But now I seek patience. I am learning gentleness. God has reopened the goodness He instilled in my heart when I was born. I am being molded as we speak. I am in no way perfect, and never will be. But I will do my best to become “The Definition of Character” with God.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24

"Behind Enemy Lines" - Before I say 'I Do' Pt 2

Above is a picture of Owen Wilson being shot at and chased by three helicopters. Somehow an angel is in the picture to represent God protecting him, because you see he is not wounded...

The enemy uses the desire I spoke of in “Lights, Camera, Action!” by trying to influence you to chase after the things your flesh wants.

The enemy wants to confuse us with commercials and advertisements, even reality shows, that are sin-infested. It’s even in our music (future topic!). The enemy wants us to think it’s “cool” to act like fools, and deceive us into believing there is no accountability. Well, the results may not be instant or even tangible, but in time the consequences will be monumental. In order to win certain battles, you have to learn the ways of your enemy. That’s why they say “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”

The devil always wants to make you think you need something better than what you have. The devil even tries to convince you to put what you have already been blessed with on the line for the mysterious thing you don’t have. And if you do get it, all you really obtain in the end is the depression of “it wasn’t worth what I gave up for it.”

This topic speaks for itself, the enemy is everywhere. Even in so called ‘friends’. Be careful of the influence of those you keep close to you. Pray for wisdom and discernment. Pray God removes the people he does not want around you. These people may even be someone you love. As my pastor would say, “If you can’t say amen, say ouch.” And its not always them. Sometimes people just have a spirit within them that’s talking, trying to bring you down. Like the spirit of jealousy. Be careful of what you let enter your mind and heart. It’s not always easy to get it out.

Do not forget the world is our battlefield, not our home. So at all times, we are behind enemy lines, fighting. And in order to change your surrounding and what you intake spiritually, in order to start winning, we usually look to our actions. But it’s not our actions that needs to change. What needs to change, is our character.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25; Matthew 6:1-4; Galations 5:16-24

"Lights, Camera, Action!" - Before I say 'I Do' Pt 1

First thing I want to talk about is actions. In order to really find who it is God has set aside for us to marry, we must first practice the right actions. “Flee from fornication!” Not walk, skip, or jump, FLEE! Run from it. Fornication is “Any sexual immortality before marriage.” That includes thoughts as well. We are able to withstand temptation if it is presented to us, because God will not put us through any temptation we can not overcome. What we make the mistake of, is trying to still live with it. God gave us a desire of the opposite sex purposely. If reproducing was a boring process that took an exuberant amount of time, would there really be 6 billion people on this planet right now?

Fornication is not of God. And anything not of God must be pealed off us like the layers of a rose. We have to learn to rid ourselves of the things we hold currency to that seems innocent on the surface, but really it’s damaging if not handled with maturity, just like the thorns on a rose. And a rose is beautiful. But even if we find value in something as beautiful as rose petals, if God says “Its not of ME.”, then it has to go.

Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with sex, just mishandled sex. God created the desire because He wants us to “be fruitful and multiply.” But this is not an excuse to have 10 baby mommas and 6 kids! And if you are wondering where the other 4 kids are, it’s the ones you aborted. (That is a topic for another day so please do not pause there, trippin’ about what I just said) ‘Adultery is the main thing that comes between couples. Not finances.’ And that’s because today, romance without finance, never even gets a chance.

But this is not just about your potential spouse, its about God. We are committing these adulterous acts against God. And every action has a reaction. And believe me, its not the one you want. When God teaches you a lesson, trust me, it gets taught! We have to be careful about what we let enter our minds. Because the enemy is plotting against you. And he wants to steal everything you have.

* Genesis 2:21 – 25; Genesis 39:2-9; Acts 15:29; I Corinthians 6:18, 10:13; Jude 24-25
Matthew 6: 1-4

"Age aint nothin but a number"

I am going to be a little long today. But the question was brought to me by someone who loves a person a bit older than them. Not a whole lot like 47 and 19, but a few years. Like seven. They want to know if its true, or am I being played by an older, more experienced lover? Does love have an age? The answer is tough. Love has no name, no age, no stereotype. It is what it is.

Take me for example, first woman I ever loved that was not puppy love, is Sydney Simone Searls. Her beauty mixed with my curiosity is what captured me initially. I thought she was angel from heaven. We fell for each other because of what we offered each other, loyalty. She loved me with all of her strength, and it showed in her every action towards me. And in return, I was there for her in the same way without question. Sydney was younger than me though, and was still growing up, as was I. But no one can tell me what we had wasn’t real. Over time that love had more meaning, more responsibility, more substance all around, and we grew fond of each other. We embraced every moment with each other we could, and learned the fundamentals of what it means to love someone.

But then take Kathryn, the first person I loved with a little bit of maturity. She was older than me and brought knowledge to the relationship, along with beauty as well. She was head strong and ambitious, something I could never contain. What attracted me to her honestly was lust. Yes lust. But the reversal is what attracted her to me was my determination. I was around her 24/7. I was whispering sweet nothings in her ear trying to get her attention, and I got it. But it was not an easy task. What kept us together was a somewhat equal balance of being friends and lovers. Sometimes you could tell we were a couple, other times you thought we were best friends. Either way, we acted the same to each other. And we spent a lot of time together, and we never took that time for granted. With her, I learned the fundamentals of dating your best friend.

And then there is Mi Amor. A person who is beyond all barriers, exceeds every standard, and doesn’t play by the rules. She is a person I met by chance, but I was not ready for what was being gift wrapped for me. It’s kind of like when you see the packaging for your Christmas gifts as a child, but you are not sure exactly what was bought. What attracted me to her initially was her comedian personality. Only woman to ever seriously make me laugh to tears! From there it went from laughs to cries to rebuking spirits to renewing my faith with God. Too much has happened with this woman. That’s because she is the first person I have ever loved spiritually.

Now all these women are different ages, at different times in my life, and yet none of them I am actually with today. So it doesn’t matter about how old they are or if I felt the love to be true, ending is the same. The difference with all of them was the maturity level they were at. The standard they held themselves at. The decisions they made. So age is nothing but a number. It is a condition people stress on love, when love should be unconditional.

"The Agenda" - The Introduction to 'Before I Say I Do'

This is a new month and I am going to start it off with a Bang. For starters I have begun another blog that will be more about different topics pertaining to things other than relationships, like the one I wrote about ipods. Its called The Minority Report. I already have one post, tune in for more various topics. I have a few lined up.

The second thing on the agenda is I am going to start a series on Marriage entitled, "Before You Say 'I Do'." Marriage is a very tough topic. I am going to take my time to make sure I get it right. This series may last all of November. Its pertaining to things to do before you get married, and the things to do once you are married. Now I am not a marriage counselor, I am just simply giving my input on what I have learned so far.

Marriage is very sacred and not to be taken lightly. It is of such high importance, it is the only metaphor God uses to express his love for the Church. He is speaks that the Church is the bride and Jesus is the groom. Never thought I would be wearing a dress but ok. Also some of the things are notes from my pastor, so it’s more so his words than mine. I am just reinventing what was given to me.

Lets get it crackin!

"The sweet ain't always as sweet without the sour..."

Have you ever lost a loved one? Or better yet, have you ever lost a loved one that is still living? Deep question I know. I am talking about breaking up a relationship with someone you love. It leaves you spiritually diseased, and the symptoms are rapid emotional discharges such as tears. And you cry so hard you become fatigued with life and you just want it to be over. It even manufactures an intangible wound not seen by the eye, but felt through a pain. It’s a pain that penetrates even the deepest abysses of your heart, a place a sword can never reach. Its leaves you questioning your own actions…”what did I do wrong?” or “Am I really that bad of a person..”. Makes you think back to the good times and smile, but that smile is quickly erased once again by tears. It is as if this person is dead and gone, when really, it’s the part of your heart you gave them that has died.

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend and it has caused her to no longer want to commit. She no longer believes in love and has given up. In the beginning she asked herself questions like… “WHY AM STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY AND HE DOESNT EVEN CARE... IS THIS NORMAL... SHOULD I STILL FEEL THIS WAY.... SHOULD I STILL WANNA BE WITH HIM... WHY!!!!” I left it in all caps because it displays her passion behind the questions being asked. We have all been sitting in her shoes wondering the same thing.

In life we experience things that leave us fragmented, tortured even. Tortured by the simple interactions with everyday things. These things trigger memories of the forgotten and cause immediate eruptions of pain or sadness. And if you are not strong enough to control it, these emotions will rip through your already weakened facial barrier, causing you to fall to your knees crying. Some people sub come to these feelings so mercifully, they chose to die from them. My friend is one of them. She has chosen seclusion, rather than inclusion. (read that again because I don’t think you got what it meant) She may be walking around physically, but her life doesn’t mean the same thing as before. Her goals have been re-routed, her heart has become a caged bird. A bird that is meant to fly, but her environment has left her a prison in her own mind.

This cage doesn’t have a lock though. What keeps the bird trapped is not the cage itself, but the fear of going back out into the world. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome for the heart, where the captive falls in love with it’s captor. In this case, the captor is pain. It seems safer or more comfortable to stay drenched in pain, than to go out and find pleasure again. What is the remedy for this? Prayer. Only God can bring you out. He can also put people in your life for you to fall back on and pray with. People to help bring joy back to your life, and have you standing on your feet again.

God will put you through things so that you can live to tell someone else about it. He will also make you appreciate certain things in life you were nonchalant or blind to before. He will renew in you a different person, a new character of the same graphic novel. A character that is thankful for all that he still has, and the things to come. And you will truly understand what Tom Cruises bestfriend in the movie Vanilla Sky meant when he said, “The sweet ain’t always as sweet, without the sour…”

"She got her high-pod, listenin' to high-tunes"

One of Steve Jobs (founder of Apple Inc.) core philosophies is innovation. When Steve had his version of an mp3 player in mind, he wanted it to be different. Steve wanted it so exquisite that after the first glance it would automatically separate itself from the competition. The result of his thinking is a masterpiece of design that has revolutionized our interaction with music. But that revolution has come with a price. Ipods are taking over our natural instinct to communicate and leaving us like zombies. Remember the old days when people were shopping in the mall, or standing at a bus stop, and we would have a very trivial conversation with the man/woman next to us? Or as children, going on a field trip, we would indulge in the company of whomever we preselected to sit next to us? Now as a society, our mouths are no longer instruments of the intended use, but merely idle wind pipes.

Or how about when arguing with a partner, instead of actually TALKING it out, we say “forget it!” and make haste to the soothing affirmation of Maxwell’s majestic melody and soft voice. Or maybe the aggressive tone and dramatic eagerness to vent of Marshall Mathers emotion engorged music. Whatever the choice of music you encompass, it has the same tragic ending; desocialization.

Desocialization is the removal of a person from a customary social environment. It’s no longer taking the time to get to know strangers and making them allies. How else would you even know the people you do if you never speak? Ipods even come with ear buds that help cancel out any noise in background to intensify your experience, making you feel secluded in a world of your own. The device is great but if we are busy listening to an ipod everywhere we go, we are surely missing out on life. Missing out on the opportunities of potential interactions with a stranger who could inadvertently become your greatest ally. Everyone knows about networking. How else can you build a business or spread the word if you are not sociable?

Or what about in relationships. It is as if ipods are the new alcohol. It’s a legal drug used as a coping method. What happened to the days when we use to talk it out? Resolving a heated issue in the midst of its appearance is always better than letting it rest in the shadows of your heart, marinating in pain or some other negative emotion. Once the issue is revisited, it carries not only itself, but the weight of other similar issues that lie dormant as well.

This is not a strike at ipods in any way. It would be hypocritical to say do not own one because I have an ipod. This is just something I want people to open theirs eyes to. And hopefully the next time they decide to use it, they will think twice about why they are, and use it properly.

"23 Questions"

This blog is directed to a certain group of women. If after reading the first few sentences you realize this does not apply to you, please just think of it as information. Do not flood my comment section with messages telling me how all women are not like this trying to defend yourself and others. I KNOW ALL WOMEN ARE NOT. I AM ONLY TALKING TO THE ONES THAT ARE!

And trust me, a 23 Questions is coming for a man right after this.

I am going to do something a little different on the cloud today. I am going to raise a question I don’t know the answer to. Why do women want a “bad boy” for a man, but get upset when they get treated like nothing? I don’t understand it. I don’t even understand why you are looking for such a man anyway. Is it because he makes you feel safe in some twisted way? Safety is not always in strength, but in ability as well. Is it because you like to play with fire? People who play with fire get burned. Period. Why is it that when the right guy you want all along, (who is a bit of a bad boy but doesn’t display on the surface because he is too humble for that), comes a long and presents himself to you, you turn him down because he is not ‘gutter’ enough? Why do women mistake anger for compassion? Why after he hits you do you still linger? Why do women want a thug and not a gentleman? A real man will protect you. A real man does love you and is not afraid to show it in the open, or in ways fake men would consider ‘soft’. Why do women want a man who barely confirms their existence? Is it because you like to chase? Well everyone likes a challenge to some extent so no argument there. But have you ever heard the expression “The grass is always greener on the other side?” Or how about what The Joker said in the new Batman movie. The Joker says, “I am a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I actually caught one.” Why is it that women look up after a year and say to themselves, “How did I get here with this man?” Is it because you did catch that car, and then realized it’s just a car? And that all I enjoyed was the chase? Can someone please talk to me?

Why do women like to be ignored? When a real man worships the ground you walk on because he realizes what he possesses. Why do women ask for the qualities of a Real man, but continue to search for it a place that’s full of niggas expecting to find one? Why do women fall so easily for what a guy does for you, instead how he feels about you? Why is a an arrogant pig who calls himself a man and drives a Range Rover got a better chance that a man in school to better himself and drives a Cavalier? Why does a man who makes himself a little more available to you when you call get ditched for the guy who never answers? Why does the man who buys you roses get played for the guy sexes you right, though you never gave the other man a chance to?

I can go on forever with these questions. Can someone give me an honest answer?

"Monique Disrobed" Confidence Pt 2

The much anticipated revisiting of Confidence. Confidence is not needing confirmation from others to know something is true. Confidence doesn’t deal with just relationships, you should be confident in every area of your life. Let’s look at it from the relationship standpoint. We will look at others in the future.

So my wife to be Monique (lol) came to me wanting more about the subject because she had her own opinion and wanted to hear more about her idea of confidence. She writes, “I feel that the improving [of] one's confidence is just one step in improving their self-esteem. I really think it is important to look into a person's background and found out what is or was going on in their life that got them to that point.” Well Monique, you are absolutely right. She also goes on to say, “I was told things like I was fat and ugly, I had big lips and frizzy hair, and was really pale almost everyday, so that is what I began to believe. I found myself involved with many of the men that knew to how to prey [on] and take advantage of girls like me.” This is where is begins, by holding value in the words of people who don’t matter. What’s ironic is, these people actually like you! They want what you possess. They will take the things they like most about you and actually turn it into a weapon out of jealousy, or as a form of control. If a guy has Monique thinking she is ugly and no one will like her but him, then Monique will mess with this guy because she thinks he is right!

Let me set the record straight real quick, Monique is gorgeous, which is why her picture is in the posting. She has the sexiest smile ever put on a human being. But where would she be if she continued to believe that other nonsense about herself? I don’t know, sitting in a one bedroom apartment complaining about being lonely! Still being run over by guys, telling the whole world about how “Men ain’t s**t.” No thank you!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. Growing up, we should hold dear the things our loved ones tell us, or at least the people important. Like your mother, your father, your aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, grandmothers, even TRUE bestfriends. The people who actually matter. It will help you build a strong foundation within yourself, so that when those haters come along, you will be deep-rooted in love and you can withstand the “wiles of the Devil.” (Ephesians 6:11,12 KJV) Meaning, the people who talk down about you simply just have the spirit of jealousy in them and it needs to be removed from them. So to the people doing the talking, be mindful of your audience. You never know what ideas or feelings they receive from listening to your act.

If you are already an adult and you are still experiencing those things, where are the people who are positive around you? Listen to them. Believe in what they tell you about yourself. Start looking in the mirror and saying “ I am somebody.” Start dressing according to your size and believe that you look good in what you are wearing. Walk with your head above your shoulders and not between your legs like the tail of a dog when he is sad. Hang out with people, be socialable! All this will equal a new found self-esteem that no one can take from you. And with this new self-esteem, that guy/girl you been wanting to gaze in your direction, before you know it, he/she is by your side, smiling at you.

Tune in next time for more…

"Friends, how many of us have them?"

Friends, ones we can depend on! Everyone knows that song. My friend Jessica told me that she has a philosophy about friends, and that philosophy is we have more than one bestfriend. Sounds simple right? Well, lets go into detail before I raise the question. Jessica says “Friends are around for you to be yourself…[On the one hand, you] may like to be goofy and do certain things but one of your friends may not want to, so you have another friend who you do that type of stuff with.” Lets talk about that for a second. Now there are a lot of people that would consider that “fake”. I wonder why? I think of that as being realistic with yourself and others. We all have different aspects of our personality that we explore and there are just some things our friends just don’t like that we do. Example, I like to Karaoke. My african american friends look at me stupid when I say that (because they have little exposure to life). So who do I do it with? My light-skinned friends!

So I am I really fake for a having another really good friend who I do those things with and not you?? I mean, we are not dating so why the jealousy? And since we are not dating, we don’t have to do everthing together! This is another reason I don’t mix friends, they are not interested in the same things so why try to force yall together! This is something I just wrote about in the previous posting so I am not even going to really going to get into that real heavy.

But how do we chose friends? My cousin had an interesting point. He said “Friends are like family, you can’t chose them. They have already been prechosen before you even started looking.” Lets examine that as well. I didn’t go around looking for someone named Sharonda when I went that basketball game four years ago. (actually I did didn’t I Sharonda lol) I didn’t go to lunch in the 10th grade and say “Is there someone here named Darnell that’s suppose to be my partner in spades for the next two years and eventually become my brother from another mother?” Did I go to Best Buy one afternoon and say “Is there some dude named Kenny here that’s gonna make me spend my whole damn check on some sounds in my car and eventually become my right hand man?” NO! God already pre-planned them to be my bestfriends so I didn’t have to chose, he chose them for me.

I want to pause there. Tune in next time to find out more...

"If I am wrong, someone tell me please?"

Before we come back to confidence, I want to have a short interlude about another issue that has come to the table, individuality.

I will continue about confidence in ones uniqueness later, but right now there has been a question raised. What happens when individuality becomes an issue in a relationship, rather between friends or mates? Well, it can cause destruction I can tell you that, but it also be used as a tool. A tool to better understand someone, instead of disowning them. My personal issue that is on the line here is the fact that I don’t mix friends, and I don’t bring friends/girlfriends around family. Some people take that as an offense. I want to branch off that for a moment here and just focus on the friend part. When I am with my family, I am engulfed and I like to just be with my family. I like to enrich myself with their joy and love. I stay there alllllll night too. I don’t bring others along because I am going to ignore them most likely, or leave them with my talkative grandfather for an hour unconsciously. NOT FAIR AT ALL! It happens to me every time I go over someone’s house foreign, so I don’t want to put anyone else under that stress. Thing with me though is I can handle it because I am a chameleon and adapt anywhere at anytime. I may not always enjoy it, but I make the best of it and I never complain. Ever. Everyone I know though is not as patient as me on the subject, so I don’t even let that situation occur. If I am wrong, someone tell me please?

And as far as bringing a woman around, first off YOU will be interrogated! I know this for a fact because I have done some of the interrogating of my sisters boyfriends in the past, so I know! For my family to meet a woman I am dating is a BIG DEAL. HUGE DEAL. So I don’t take it lightly. The reason I am going to bring a woman around my family at this age is because she is the one. Plain and simple. Somehow word got loose to my Auntie Amy, (who has to sign off on all relationships with the young people in my family) about Mi Amor and she wants to meet her. Mi Amor is slowly making her way into my world without my permission and its crazy! She has already become best friends with my mom and turned my mom against me! So the point is, if you are not on the roster to become wifey, I am not bringing you around! If I am wrong, someone please tell me?

I am not even going to get into bringing friends around each other. I did that once three years ago and to this day two of my best friends still don’t like each other. ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID ON THAT! Never happening again. If I am wrong, someone please tell me?

Someone please tell me if my judgments on these issues are selfish….

"Shake Hands Firmly. Let them know you are there.." Confidence Pt 1

In the movie Hitch with Will Smith, Hitch(Will Smith) is speaking to Albert about going out with Allegra Cole, a multimillionaire. When meeting her rich friends, Hitch tells Albert to "Shake hands firmly. Let them know you are there..." Meaning, be confident that you are a person and you are just as important as they are, despite not being a millionaire. I have recently been IRRITATED by an individual and their inability to see their beauty. I must comment. So today’s topic is confidence. If you are beautiful, then you are beautiful. Do not question it. Do not look for others approval on the matter. In my case, this individual is not ugly. But her confidence level just brings her down on the scale. I know women who are less attractive than she is, but because they believe they look good, they are more ATTRACTIVE than she is. They carry a certain aura and dress VERY well, so I see beyond the physical, I see the mental. Now I was not always the cocky version of myself I am today, so I understand the initial uncertainty about oneself. But she is constantly degrading herself and it was getting on my nerves. She was also telling me how she can’t seem to find the right guy and that men ain’t *bleep*. Well, in the words of Katt Williams, “what you mean to say is all the ‘guys’ YOU mess with aint *bleep*”. I know guys that PREY on women like her. And it’s the only thing she attracts because guys like me don’t think twice about her.

Ok I am sorry for venting just now, let me make my point. Confidence is Key in pursuing the opposite sex. Confidence comes from within. It starts with just knowing that you have something unique to offer the world, YOURSELF. You have to truly believe that statement. I am going to write this from a Man’s perspective. What attracts a guy initially is how a woman carries herself. Her speech, her appearance, her attitude. All those things come into play when we are chasing women. But an INSTANT turn off is a woman who complains about her weight constantly, or claims she is not beautiful enough. If you were that ugly, I would NOT be trying to holla at you. When you incorporate things of that nature into your psyche, it reflects in your demeanor and in your presence. You dress differently because you are trying to cover your stomach up since you think it is too round. You wear big pants because you think your butt is too big. So now instead of looking like a woman, you look like a boy. None of us are homosexual so we are not going to date someone that looks like ourselves. So lesson number one, Believe in yourself. Let us Pause there. There is more to come on your next visit to Cloud 9.

"You had me at 'Hello'.." Dating Pt 2

Tom Cruise says, “You complete me” to his wife Renee Zellweger in the movie Jerry Maguire. In the midst of his speech she cuts him off and says, “Shut up, Just shut up! You had me at hello.” I know everyone has the idea that they want someone in life that completes them. What I think it really means though, is people want a mate that pleases them in a way that can’t be done on their own. Here is an example of what I mean. My sisters works at a spa and I made an appointment with her to wash my hair. I don’t just pay her to wash my hair, but it is a moment for me and her to reflect on our lives and really talk. As she is washing my hair, she is using this scrub brush that I swear is heavenly when used. I told her I was going to buy one because it feels so good, she responded “Trust me, its not the same. I tried it and it was lame.” We laughed, but it was an epiphany for me. We should seek our mates the same way.

I am reading a book right now, and I will disclose its name later, but the book is talking about different expressions of love. One is Physical Touch. Please do not confuse physical touch with sex, because its not quite the same, though sex is a variant of Physical Touch. But lets take kissing for an example, can you really kiss yourself? I mean how weird is that! It requires someone else to accommodate that. Same in relationships. If you like people to do things for you, like cook, just cooking for yourself is whack. As a society we have been just been getting caught up in how someone makes you feel because of how they look to you. Falling in love so easily. But that fades away overtime and you see people for themselves. You know, True Colors as we call it. That’s why they say don’t become roommates with your bestfriend. And everyone who has knows what I mean.

I myself now realize I have been a victim of this same fact. When you are in love you do all these things for the other person without hesitation or question, because you are on this emotional rollercoaster and its at the peak, forgetting that it eventually will come down. Then and ONLY then is true love really measured. If you still want to do those things even after the high is gone because you know it pleases your mate, then you truly love that person. I have been at the end of that rollercoaster only to find out I don’t care to do those things as much. But I have also been at that same end and I still love to do those things for this person (Mi Amor). There is so much that could be said but I am going to try to stay on topic.

Relationships should be taken seriously, but we treat them today like we are still in our adolescent stage in life. All fun and games, trying to constantly be on that high. Lets be more than that. Lets really start to look for the things that we know we want in another person. Like me?, I like to be touched. So hugs, kissing, flirting, all great for me. And I also like to talk to an individual about intelligent things, and not just the newest Jordans coming out. That’s what I like. What do you like? Find out. Anyone can do these things, but seldom do people do them the way you want them done specifically. Its all about you. You have the choice to select who performs the best, so choose wisely. You can have anyone you want, Will Smith proves that in the movie Hitch. And its never too late to start over, even if you are in a relationship. Start over with that person. You will be amazed at how the relationship can be on fire again if you compromise on the things you want your mate to do. We all make mistakes, I know I did. Still do. Finally I am making a change so that I can truly become a Man. Its interesting how a woman has actually helped me become a man. Not that she taught me how to replace the oil in my car, but she has helped realize/understand certain things in life that I have been lacking. And she isn’t even really my woman, she is my true friend. Friends are powerful, so get some REAL ones.

"I just want to come up and talk.." Dating Pt 1

So lately I have had my share of drama, particularly with women. I have been hearing some war stories and I just need to comment. Our society has seemed to forget the definition of “soul mate” or “true love.” We are obtaining relationships by attraction alone without hesitation, instead of compatibility. Say it with me, COMPATIBILITY. This is a problem. Relationships based on the physical last about as long as the Wayne Brady show did on the air. Those of you asking “what show was that?” Exactly. You didn’t even hear about it that’s how short it was.

It all starts with dating. Dating is simple. I pick you up, we go out, I HOPE we have fun, I take you home. The night is typically over. No “I’ll call you when I get home” or “Do you want to come inside?” or something like that. But what is the true purpose of dating? It’s to define what you truly want in your significant other by researching multiple possibilities. This is why people are often called pimps and players, when all we really do is crush a lot. We seek people out by face and not by personality. Which to an extent is unfortunate because beauty isn’t everything. At the same time though, who wants to date an extremely UNattractive person you know? I don’t know anyone who goes around looking for the ugliest person they can find to holla at.

In dating, that is actually ok because dating is just a means to understand an individual. But relationships should not be based on the physical like many of us do. Dating is often mistaken for being in a relationship though. Which why a lot of people get hurt. We fall so easily for the flesh, myself included. Relationships are also a 2 way street though. We can not fall head over heels for someone and they do not feel the same. You will end up heartbroken faster than you will find yourself saying "I do." We must be careful with who we place our faith into, that is why a relationship should only be initiated by a true accord, and not by some agreement that you have been seeing each other 3 months so we might as well be in a relationship. When you are dating it’s more of fun times than anything else, but we have to start looking deeper folks.

PS. We also can’t keep going through a constant cycle arguing and breaking up with our current choice of a mate. I was approached by an individual once who told me “If you love me, it should be enough.” No, I am sorry but it is not. Love is blind. You can learn to love anyone, (not saying I didn’t truly love this person because I do), but I am not going to hang out in misery because of it. But if you are unhappy with your relationship make it known EARLY.