This is going to be out of my normal style because it involves some minor verbal abuse. Where are all the real people? I am tired of helping people who are pretending to be my friends, when really they are not worth the garbage I throw away. I am tired of devoting myself to others and giving up my own happiness just to satisfy someone else. I am tired of putting myself on the line and sacrificing all that I have for people. I realize I make choices and I have to live with its consequences, but I am sick of people not willing to sacrifice for me. DO SOMETHING FOR ME FOR A CHANGE. COME TO MY AID WHEN I NEED YOU.
It seems like I am always there for other people in their desperate hour, but when it’s my turn, my so called "peeps" are about as populated as Iowa. Do you know anyone who lives in Iowa, or even from there? EXACTLY. I have found myself full of anger and ready to manifest it into something violent which is why I am voicing my heart through this keyboard. I am in a state of unrest and I am ready to make someone feel my frustration. Anger has gotten the best of me at the moment, and I am now a slave to it.
So where are all the real people in my life? Where is the person who I can call on and say "I need you" and they respond without hesitation, "I am here for you." Where is the person willing to sacrifice for me? Where is the person who has my best interest in mind and is here to support my stumbling feet? WHERE! Where is the person who puts there own feelings aside to assist me like I do for them, in my darkest moment?
So where are all the real people in my life? Where is the person who I can call on and say "I need you" and they respond without hesitation, "I am here for you." Where is the person willing to sacrifice for me? Where is the person who has my best interest in mind and is here to support my stumbling feet? WHERE! Where is the person who puts there own feelings aside to assist me like I do for them, in my darkest moment?
All I ask for is Loyalty. I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I will stand by you even if you flee from me. I will hug you even if you spit in my face, or stab me in the back. I love you. Where are the people with the unconditional love around here? Why can’t someone love me like I love them? I don't mean treat me the same way, I mean have a deep-rooted affection for me that compels them to strengthen me when I am fatigued. WHERE IS MY HELP!?
Where is the person that loves me so much and knows me so well they can tell when I am lying about my feelings, and when I am sincere. Where is the person who can see my pain a mile away and it hurts them to see me in such defeat, they offer me comfort? I don't need a solution from anyone, but I do like to be attended to when I am wounded. Is that too much to ask? I do it for you ALL the time!!
When does it end? When it is it my turn to feel good? When is it my turn to walk across some of that green grass and stain my shoe? When is my path going to present itself and say "Follow me?" When am I going to be forgiven, and not tormented? I am wrapped in such a ball of confusion, I spend time doing simple things just to find comfort in them because I am surrounded by complexity. GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME! RELEASE ME FROM THESE BONDS!
I need space. And I need it now...
When does it end? When it is it my turn to feel good? When is it my turn to walk across some of that green grass and stain my shoe? When is my path going to present itself and say "Follow me?" When am I going to be forgiven, and not tormented? I am wrapped in such a ball of confusion, I spend time doing simple things just to find comfort in them because I am surrounded by complexity. GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME! RELEASE ME FROM THESE BONDS!
I need space. And I need it now...
5 comments:
Seek the lord for comfort, you will receive it and you probably won't even realize it.
Also don't let people walk over you.
The "Where?!" is closer than u think. You already know the number. Maybe u havnt spoken, I mean reallly spoken in awhile. The intimacy and fulfillment in His presence is unlike any natural relationship. U can love others with your whole heart without any expectations. U can love YOURSELF as u love others without guilt. Perfect love casts out fear. Fear is the tormenter. Fear of unreceprication? It is a house of bondage in your mind. Always remember...."To know the Lord is eternal life"...selah (pause and calmly think about it)-Dree
I remember years ago writing a poem entitled "searching for agape"...everyone is searching for agape. We are created to love. The simple truth, God is love, gave my poem new meaning. To understand God is to understand love. (Probably why love seems the most confusing hmm) Again, to know God is eternal life. It's FREEDOM!You wont even know what love is until you get to know God for yourself. Searching for agape can be quite frustrating when u don't know who your loking for....
Jesus is the way or in your words "the path". He said so many times to his disciples "follow me". The "garbage" that we throw away is not people, but our own insecurities, fears, and simply put--throw away the SIN. The farthest we are away from sin, the closer we are to AGAPE.
I feel you 100%!!! I remember in my last year of elementary school, I had this same exact type of blow-up! Where are my REAL friends??!!!
Everyone on this blog is right - put God first and not only will He BE your friend, He will send you REAL FRIENDS - those that come along side you to hold your arms up when you can't anymore (like Aaron and Hur holding up Moses' arms; or when Moses TOLD God that he needed help managing the people because it was more than he could bear - then God immediately told him to select men to help him bear it).
The last anonymus spoke truth when he/she said, "The garbage is...our own securities and fears." When we DECIDE to always be our authentic self, the one God fashioned us to be, and not care about fitting in, being cool, or whatever the garbage is, we then can see who would make a good friend and who wouldn't. We stop allowing just anyone into our lives and hearts. We learn to protect ourselves like God asks us to in the first place.
When I left elementary school, I literally said that I would never again have a single friend who cannot be a friend to me. Guess what? Never have - God provided...sometimes the relationship was only for a season. But it was real.
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