"The sweet ain't always as sweet without the sour..."

Have you ever lost a loved one? Or better yet, have you ever lost a loved one that is still living? Deep question I know. I am talking about breaking up a relationship with someone you love. It leaves you spiritually diseased, and the symptoms are rapid emotional discharges such as tears. And you cry so hard you become fatigued with life and you just want it to be over. It even manufactures an intangible wound not seen by the eye, but felt through a pain. It’s a pain that penetrates even the deepest abysses of your heart, a place a sword can never reach. Its leaves you questioning your own actions…”what did I do wrong?” or “Am I really that bad of a person..”. Makes you think back to the good times and smile, but that smile is quickly erased once again by tears. It is as if this person is dead and gone, when really, it’s the part of your heart you gave them that has died.

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend and it has caused her to no longer want to commit. She no longer believes in love and has given up. In the beginning she asked herself questions like… “WHY AM STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY AND HE DOESNT EVEN CARE... IS THIS NORMAL... SHOULD I STILL FEEL THIS WAY.... SHOULD I STILL WANNA BE WITH HIM... WHY!!!!” I left it in all caps because it displays her passion behind the questions being asked. We have all been sitting in her shoes wondering the same thing.

In life we experience things that leave us fragmented, tortured even. Tortured by the simple interactions with everyday things. These things trigger memories of the forgotten and cause immediate eruptions of pain or sadness. And if you are not strong enough to control it, these emotions will rip through your already weakened facial barrier, causing you to fall to your knees crying. Some people sub come to these feelings so mercifully, they chose to die from them. My friend is one of them. She has chosen seclusion, rather than inclusion. (read that again because I don’t think you got what it meant) She may be walking around physically, but her life doesn’t mean the same thing as before. Her goals have been re-routed, her heart has become a caged bird. A bird that is meant to fly, but her environment has left her a prison in her own mind.

This cage doesn’t have a lock though. What keeps the bird trapped is not the cage itself, but the fear of going back out into the world. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome for the heart, where the captive falls in love with it’s captor. In this case, the captor is pain. It seems safer or more comfortable to stay drenched in pain, than to go out and find pleasure again. What is the remedy for this? Prayer. Only God can bring you out. He can also put people in your life for you to fall back on and pray with. People to help bring joy back to your life, and have you standing on your feet again.

God will put you through things so that you can live to tell someone else about it. He will also make you appreciate certain things in life you were nonchalant or blind to before. He will renew in you a different person, a new character of the same graphic novel. A character that is thankful for all that he still has, and the things to come. And you will truly understand what Tom Cruises bestfriend in the movie Vanilla Sky meant when he said, “The sweet ain’t always as sweet, without the sour…”

"She got her high-pod, listenin' to high-tunes"

One of Steve Jobs (founder of Apple Inc.) core philosophies is innovation. When Steve had his version of an mp3 player in mind, he wanted it to be different. Steve wanted it so exquisite that after the first glance it would automatically separate itself from the competition. The result of his thinking is a masterpiece of design that has revolutionized our interaction with music. But that revolution has come with a price. Ipods are taking over our natural instinct to communicate and leaving us like zombies. Remember the old days when people were shopping in the mall, or standing at a bus stop, and we would have a very trivial conversation with the man/woman next to us? Or as children, going on a field trip, we would indulge in the company of whomever we preselected to sit next to us? Now as a society, our mouths are no longer instruments of the intended use, but merely idle wind pipes.

Or how about when arguing with a partner, instead of actually TALKING it out, we say “forget it!” and make haste to the soothing affirmation of Maxwell’s majestic melody and soft voice. Or maybe the aggressive tone and dramatic eagerness to vent of Marshall Mathers emotion engorged music. Whatever the choice of music you encompass, it has the same tragic ending; desocialization.

Desocialization is the removal of a person from a customary social environment. It’s no longer taking the time to get to know strangers and making them allies. How else would you even know the people you do if you never speak? Ipods even come with ear buds that help cancel out any noise in background to intensify your experience, making you feel secluded in a world of your own. The device is great but if we are busy listening to an ipod everywhere we go, we are surely missing out on life. Missing out on the opportunities of potential interactions with a stranger who could inadvertently become your greatest ally. Everyone knows about networking. How else can you build a business or spread the word if you are not sociable?

Or what about in relationships. It is as if ipods are the new alcohol. It’s a legal drug used as a coping method. What happened to the days when we use to talk it out? Resolving a heated issue in the midst of its appearance is always better than letting it rest in the shadows of your heart, marinating in pain or some other negative emotion. Once the issue is revisited, it carries not only itself, but the weight of other similar issues that lie dormant as well.

This is not a strike at ipods in any way. It would be hypocritical to say do not own one because I have an ipod. This is just something I want people to open theirs eyes to. And hopefully the next time they decide to use it, they will think twice about why they are, and use it properly.

"23 Questions"

This blog is directed to a certain group of women. If after reading the first few sentences you realize this does not apply to you, please just think of it as information. Do not flood my comment section with messages telling me how all women are not like this trying to defend yourself and others. I KNOW ALL WOMEN ARE NOT. I AM ONLY TALKING TO THE ONES THAT ARE!

And trust me, a 23 Questions is coming for a man right after this.

I am going to do something a little different on the cloud today. I am going to raise a question I don’t know the answer to. Why do women want a “bad boy” for a man, but get upset when they get treated like nothing? I don’t understand it. I don’t even understand why you are looking for such a man anyway. Is it because he makes you feel safe in some twisted way? Safety is not always in strength, but in ability as well. Is it because you like to play with fire? People who play with fire get burned. Period. Why is it that when the right guy you want all along, (who is a bit of a bad boy but doesn’t display on the surface because he is too humble for that), comes a long and presents himself to you, you turn him down because he is not ‘gutter’ enough? Why do women mistake anger for compassion? Why after he hits you do you still linger? Why do women want a thug and not a gentleman? A real man will protect you. A real man does love you and is not afraid to show it in the open, or in ways fake men would consider ‘soft’. Why do women want a man who barely confirms their existence? Is it because you like to chase? Well everyone likes a challenge to some extent so no argument there. But have you ever heard the expression “The grass is always greener on the other side?” Or how about what The Joker said in the new Batman movie. The Joker says, “I am a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I actually caught one.” Why is it that women look up after a year and say to themselves, “How did I get here with this man?” Is it because you did catch that car, and then realized it’s just a car? And that all I enjoyed was the chase? Can someone please talk to me?

Why do women like to be ignored? When a real man worships the ground you walk on because he realizes what he possesses. Why do women ask for the qualities of a Real man, but continue to search for it a place that’s full of niggas expecting to find one? Why do women fall so easily for what a guy does for you, instead how he feels about you? Why is a an arrogant pig who calls himself a man and drives a Range Rover got a better chance that a man in school to better himself and drives a Cavalier? Why does a man who makes himself a little more available to you when you call get ditched for the guy who never answers? Why does the man who buys you roses get played for the guy sexes you right, though you never gave the other man a chance to?

I can go on forever with these questions. Can someone give me an honest answer?

"Monique Disrobed" Confidence Pt 2

The much anticipated revisiting of Confidence. Confidence is not needing confirmation from others to know something is true. Confidence doesn’t deal with just relationships, you should be confident in every area of your life. Let’s look at it from the relationship standpoint. We will look at others in the future.

So my wife to be Monique (lol) came to me wanting more about the subject because she had her own opinion and wanted to hear more about her idea of confidence. She writes, “I feel that the improving [of] one's confidence is just one step in improving their self-esteem. I really think it is important to look into a person's background and found out what is or was going on in their life that got them to that point.” Well Monique, you are absolutely right. She also goes on to say, “I was told things like I was fat and ugly, I had big lips and frizzy hair, and was really pale almost everyday, so that is what I began to believe. I found myself involved with many of the men that knew to how to prey [on] and take advantage of girls like me.” This is where is begins, by holding value in the words of people who don’t matter. What’s ironic is, these people actually like you! They want what you possess. They will take the things they like most about you and actually turn it into a weapon out of jealousy, or as a form of control. If a guy has Monique thinking she is ugly and no one will like her but him, then Monique will mess with this guy because she thinks he is right!

Let me set the record straight real quick, Monique is gorgeous, which is why her picture is in the posting. She has the sexiest smile ever put on a human being. But where would she be if she continued to believe that other nonsense about herself? I don’t know, sitting in a one bedroom apartment complaining about being lonely! Still being run over by guys, telling the whole world about how “Men ain’t s**t.” No thank you!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. Growing up, we should hold dear the things our loved ones tell us, or at least the people important. Like your mother, your father, your aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, grandmothers, even TRUE bestfriends. The people who actually matter. It will help you build a strong foundation within yourself, so that when those haters come along, you will be deep-rooted in love and you can withstand the “wiles of the Devil.” (Ephesians 6:11,12 KJV) Meaning, the people who talk down about you simply just have the spirit of jealousy in them and it needs to be removed from them. So to the people doing the talking, be mindful of your audience. You never know what ideas or feelings they receive from listening to your act.

If you are already an adult and you are still experiencing those things, where are the people who are positive around you? Listen to them. Believe in what they tell you about yourself. Start looking in the mirror and saying “ I am somebody.” Start dressing according to your size and believe that you look good in what you are wearing. Walk with your head above your shoulders and not between your legs like the tail of a dog when he is sad. Hang out with people, be socialable! All this will equal a new found self-esteem that no one can take from you. And with this new self-esteem, that guy/girl you been wanting to gaze in your direction, before you know it, he/she is by your side, smiling at you.

Tune in next time for more…

"Friends, how many of us have them?"

Friends, ones we can depend on! Everyone knows that song. My friend Jessica told me that she has a philosophy about friends, and that philosophy is we have more than one bestfriend. Sounds simple right? Well, lets go into detail before I raise the question. Jessica says “Friends are around for you to be yourself…[On the one hand, you] may like to be goofy and do certain things but one of your friends may not want to, so you have another friend who you do that type of stuff with.” Lets talk about that for a second. Now there are a lot of people that would consider that “fake”. I wonder why? I think of that as being realistic with yourself and others. We all have different aspects of our personality that we explore and there are just some things our friends just don’t like that we do. Example, I like to Karaoke. My african american friends look at me stupid when I say that (because they have little exposure to life). So who do I do it with? My light-skinned friends!

So I am I really fake for a having another really good friend who I do those things with and not you?? I mean, we are not dating so why the jealousy? And since we are not dating, we don’t have to do everthing together! This is another reason I don’t mix friends, they are not interested in the same things so why try to force yall together! This is something I just wrote about in the previous posting so I am not even going to really going to get into that real heavy.

But how do we chose friends? My cousin had an interesting point. He said “Friends are like family, you can’t chose them. They have already been prechosen before you even started looking.” Lets examine that as well. I didn’t go around looking for someone named Sharonda when I went that basketball game four years ago. (actually I did didn’t I Sharonda lol) I didn’t go to lunch in the 10th grade and say “Is there someone here named Darnell that’s suppose to be my partner in spades for the next two years and eventually become my brother from another mother?” Did I go to Best Buy one afternoon and say “Is there some dude named Kenny here that’s gonna make me spend my whole damn check on some sounds in my car and eventually become my right hand man?” NO! God already pre-planned them to be my bestfriends so I didn’t have to chose, he chose them for me.

I want to pause there. Tune in next time to find out more...

"If I am wrong, someone tell me please?"

Before we come back to confidence, I want to have a short interlude about another issue that has come to the table, individuality.

I will continue about confidence in ones uniqueness later, but right now there has been a question raised. What happens when individuality becomes an issue in a relationship, rather between friends or mates? Well, it can cause destruction I can tell you that, but it also be used as a tool. A tool to better understand someone, instead of disowning them. My personal issue that is on the line here is the fact that I don’t mix friends, and I don’t bring friends/girlfriends around family. Some people take that as an offense. I want to branch off that for a moment here and just focus on the friend part. When I am with my family, I am engulfed and I like to just be with my family. I like to enrich myself with their joy and love. I stay there alllllll night too. I don’t bring others along because I am going to ignore them most likely, or leave them with my talkative grandfather for an hour unconsciously. NOT FAIR AT ALL! It happens to me every time I go over someone’s house foreign, so I don’t want to put anyone else under that stress. Thing with me though is I can handle it because I am a chameleon and adapt anywhere at anytime. I may not always enjoy it, but I make the best of it and I never complain. Ever. Everyone I know though is not as patient as me on the subject, so I don’t even let that situation occur. If I am wrong, someone tell me please?

And as far as bringing a woman around, first off YOU will be interrogated! I know this for a fact because I have done some of the interrogating of my sisters boyfriends in the past, so I know! For my family to meet a woman I am dating is a BIG DEAL. HUGE DEAL. So I don’t take it lightly. The reason I am going to bring a woman around my family at this age is because she is the one. Plain and simple. Somehow word got loose to my Auntie Amy, (who has to sign off on all relationships with the young people in my family) about Mi Amor and she wants to meet her. Mi Amor is slowly making her way into my world without my permission and its crazy! She has already become best friends with my mom and turned my mom against me! So the point is, if you are not on the roster to become wifey, I am not bringing you around! If I am wrong, someone please tell me?

I am not even going to get into bringing friends around each other. I did that once three years ago and to this day two of my best friends still don’t like each other. ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID ON THAT! Never happening again. If I am wrong, someone please tell me?

Someone please tell me if my judgments on these issues are selfish….

"Shake Hands Firmly. Let them know you are there.." Confidence Pt 1

In the movie Hitch with Will Smith, Hitch(Will Smith) is speaking to Albert about going out with Allegra Cole, a multimillionaire. When meeting her rich friends, Hitch tells Albert to "Shake hands firmly. Let them know you are there..." Meaning, be confident that you are a person and you are just as important as they are, despite not being a millionaire. I have recently been IRRITATED by an individual and their inability to see their beauty. I must comment. So today’s topic is confidence. If you are beautiful, then you are beautiful. Do not question it. Do not look for others approval on the matter. In my case, this individual is not ugly. But her confidence level just brings her down on the scale. I know women who are less attractive than she is, but because they believe they look good, they are more ATTRACTIVE than she is. They carry a certain aura and dress VERY well, so I see beyond the physical, I see the mental. Now I was not always the cocky version of myself I am today, so I understand the initial uncertainty about oneself. But she is constantly degrading herself and it was getting on my nerves. She was also telling me how she can’t seem to find the right guy and that men ain’t *bleep*. Well, in the words of Katt Williams, “what you mean to say is all the ‘guys’ YOU mess with aint *bleep*”. I know guys that PREY on women like her. And it’s the only thing she attracts because guys like me don’t think twice about her.

Ok I am sorry for venting just now, let me make my point. Confidence is Key in pursuing the opposite sex. Confidence comes from within. It starts with just knowing that you have something unique to offer the world, YOURSELF. You have to truly believe that statement. I am going to write this from a Man’s perspective. What attracts a guy initially is how a woman carries herself. Her speech, her appearance, her attitude. All those things come into play when we are chasing women. But an INSTANT turn off is a woman who complains about her weight constantly, or claims she is not beautiful enough. If you were that ugly, I would NOT be trying to holla at you. When you incorporate things of that nature into your psyche, it reflects in your demeanor and in your presence. You dress differently because you are trying to cover your stomach up since you think it is too round. You wear big pants because you think your butt is too big. So now instead of looking like a woman, you look like a boy. None of us are homosexual so we are not going to date someone that looks like ourselves. So lesson number one, Believe in yourself. Let us Pause there. There is more to come on your next visit to Cloud 9.

"You had me at 'Hello'.." Dating Pt 2

Tom Cruise says, “You complete me” to his wife Renee Zellweger in the movie Jerry Maguire. In the midst of his speech she cuts him off and says, “Shut up, Just shut up! You had me at hello.” I know everyone has the idea that they want someone in life that completes them. What I think it really means though, is people want a mate that pleases them in a way that can’t be done on their own. Here is an example of what I mean. My sisters works at a spa and I made an appointment with her to wash my hair. I don’t just pay her to wash my hair, but it is a moment for me and her to reflect on our lives and really talk. As she is washing my hair, she is using this scrub brush that I swear is heavenly when used. I told her I was going to buy one because it feels so good, she responded “Trust me, its not the same. I tried it and it was lame.” We laughed, but it was an epiphany for me. We should seek our mates the same way.

I am reading a book right now, and I will disclose its name later, but the book is talking about different expressions of love. One is Physical Touch. Please do not confuse physical touch with sex, because its not quite the same, though sex is a variant of Physical Touch. But lets take kissing for an example, can you really kiss yourself? I mean how weird is that! It requires someone else to accommodate that. Same in relationships. If you like people to do things for you, like cook, just cooking for yourself is whack. As a society we have been just been getting caught up in how someone makes you feel because of how they look to you. Falling in love so easily. But that fades away overtime and you see people for themselves. You know, True Colors as we call it. That’s why they say don’t become roommates with your bestfriend. And everyone who has knows what I mean.

I myself now realize I have been a victim of this same fact. When you are in love you do all these things for the other person without hesitation or question, because you are on this emotional rollercoaster and its at the peak, forgetting that it eventually will come down. Then and ONLY then is true love really measured. If you still want to do those things even after the high is gone because you know it pleases your mate, then you truly love that person. I have been at the end of that rollercoaster only to find out I don’t care to do those things as much. But I have also been at that same end and I still love to do those things for this person (Mi Amor). There is so much that could be said but I am going to try to stay on topic.

Relationships should be taken seriously, but we treat them today like we are still in our adolescent stage in life. All fun and games, trying to constantly be on that high. Lets be more than that. Lets really start to look for the things that we know we want in another person. Like me?, I like to be touched. So hugs, kissing, flirting, all great for me. And I also like to talk to an individual about intelligent things, and not just the newest Jordans coming out. That’s what I like. What do you like? Find out. Anyone can do these things, but seldom do people do them the way you want them done specifically. Its all about you. You have the choice to select who performs the best, so choose wisely. You can have anyone you want, Will Smith proves that in the movie Hitch. And its never too late to start over, even if you are in a relationship. Start over with that person. You will be amazed at how the relationship can be on fire again if you compromise on the things you want your mate to do. We all make mistakes, I know I did. Still do. Finally I am making a change so that I can truly become a Man. Its interesting how a woman has actually helped me become a man. Not that she taught me how to replace the oil in my car, but she has helped realize/understand certain things in life that I have been lacking. And she isn’t even really my woman, she is my true friend. Friends are powerful, so get some REAL ones.

"I just want to come up and talk.." Dating Pt 1

So lately I have had my share of drama, particularly with women. I have been hearing some war stories and I just need to comment. Our society has seemed to forget the definition of “soul mate” or “true love.” We are obtaining relationships by attraction alone without hesitation, instead of compatibility. Say it with me, COMPATIBILITY. This is a problem. Relationships based on the physical last about as long as the Wayne Brady show did on the air. Those of you asking “what show was that?” Exactly. You didn’t even hear about it that’s how short it was.

It all starts with dating. Dating is simple. I pick you up, we go out, I HOPE we have fun, I take you home. The night is typically over. No “I’ll call you when I get home” or “Do you want to come inside?” or something like that. But what is the true purpose of dating? It’s to define what you truly want in your significant other by researching multiple possibilities. This is why people are often called pimps and players, when all we really do is crush a lot. We seek people out by face and not by personality. Which to an extent is unfortunate because beauty isn’t everything. At the same time though, who wants to date an extremely UNattractive person you know? I don’t know anyone who goes around looking for the ugliest person they can find to holla at.

In dating, that is actually ok because dating is just a means to understand an individual. But relationships should not be based on the physical like many of us do. Dating is often mistaken for being in a relationship though. Which why a lot of people get hurt. We fall so easily for the flesh, myself included. Relationships are also a 2 way street though. We can not fall head over heels for someone and they do not feel the same. You will end up heartbroken faster than you will find yourself saying "I do." We must be careful with who we place our faith into, that is why a relationship should only be initiated by a true accord, and not by some agreement that you have been seeing each other 3 months so we might as well be in a relationship. When you are dating it’s more of fun times than anything else, but we have to start looking deeper folks.

PS. We also can’t keep going through a constant cycle arguing and breaking up with our current choice of a mate. I was approached by an individual once who told me “If you love me, it should be enough.” No, I am sorry but it is not. Love is blind. You can learn to love anyone, (not saying I didn’t truly love this person because I do), but I am not going to hang out in misery because of it. But if you are unhappy with your relationship make it known EARLY.

Love Uncovered

This morning I would like to turn your attention to a topic of many individuals living rooms discussions, with multiple interpretations amidst them all; Love. THIS IS FOR MEN AND WOMEN. Webster defines Love with two different descriptions, the first being emotional. It says “Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” Let’s talk about that for a second. It is implying love is a feeling that comes from just simply having a personal relationship with someone. So this could be anyone. A friend from grade school, or a family member you grew up with. Even that one guy who works at Cold Stone who makes you laugh whenever you go there. Yes, you love him too. This is the fun love. This is where memories are created, laughs are generated, and where a thousand words are captured in a portrait, lasting for an eternity. And when focused on, it can become something deeper, or profound. This is where I am with Mi Amor (you know who you are). Once there, you then become attracted to this persons intellect. Always having an intelligent conversation on a relevant topic. Always eager to be around them and experience things with them. Their presence and slight physical greeting solidifies a level of security like nothing else in this world, with the exception of the Lord Himself. This is where most of us HOPE we are spending a lot of our time in. The reality is many people are not. Which brings me to the second definition.

Webster also defines it as “Attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers.” Now you see how they tried to clean it up with that part about the lovers? THIS IS WHERE MANY PEOPLE MAKE A MISTAKE. They get attached by this belief, instead of the first. This form of love is easily created and quickly makes a lasting effect. One that if separated involuntarily, causes extreme sadness and depression. Because it has an attachment of desire with it, which can ultimately be more of a curse than a blessing. It is sometimes used as a cure, when it’s really the virus. And sometimes, it is both. And I am not just talking intercourse. Just thinking someone is beautiful physically, without even ever touching them, can be just as dangerous. You will find yourself blind to his/her fault behind countless actions simply because of the warm energy from their smile. Crazy right? Only because you know what I am referring to. There is nothing wrong with loving someone this way, but it should be a product from loving them mentally initially. Sex is a powerful tool when used properly, which is why God reserves it for the married couples. Kind of like weapons under the influence of trained professionals. But we all know weapons put in the wrong hands equals destruction. And right now it’s being manipulated, causing that very outcome.

So what’s your point you say? We have to make sure we are falling in love for the right reasons. We can’t get caught in the desires our eyes lust for and the fantasies our minds manufacture. Nor can we be entangled in a web of physical satisfaction. Some of us dabble in the both the mental and physical simultaneously, which can be ok if balanced correctly. Then you ask “But isn’t love a verb not a noun, meaning I should show it?” The answer is Yes you should! HOWEVER! There are many acts on the stage of love so be cautious of the performance. You can even take it a step further and say be careful of the performer. All and all, find the right person you can have a personal relationship with that brings a certain level of joy and gives you butterflies in your stomach. Combine that with the intimacy of physical relations and oh boy, we have a winner! At that moment, you will find the relationship to be, for lack of a better term, right for you.

The Introduction

Welcome to Cloud 9. This is a direct reflection of peronal experience and countless stories told by those God placed before me to learn from.



Warning! This is for the mature, open-minded.