"Interview With A Vampire"

Below is a recorded conversation with a friend on the topic of “trusting the ex.” A lot of people are uneasy about the ex still being in the picture, or even a significant friend of the opposite sex. Don’t fret my pet, for I have an opinion on that. Now this conversation is situation specific, but you can take the general idea and make it realistic for you. Let the show begin…

ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (2:58:50 PM): Here's a question that I am dealing with…
My boyfriend is friends with Sharon Brown. I don’t care really, but they are just too secretive. Why can’t we all hang out? Why can’t she come around in front of me?
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:02:07 PM): how can I trust that?
Dr. Feel Good (3:02:19 PM): because not all friends need to be mixed
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:02:24 PM): hmmmmmmmmmmm
Dr. Feel Good (3:02:27 PM): wait
Dr. Feel Good (3:02:31 PM): I’m not done
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:02:35 PM): oh ok
Dr. Feel Good (3:03:38 PM): and even if the terms and agreements are permissible, that’s doesn't mean the situation isn’t awkward
Dr. Feel Good (3:04:20 PM): is it selfish to want to prove your own point by FORCING your significant other into that situation?? And not even necessarily your own point, just to get closure from a generated insecurity?
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:04:54 PM): But why is it secretive?
Dr. Feel Good (3:05:34 PM): do you REALLY want to know what they are talking about? Or is it just because it’s them that it seems so secretive
Dr. Feel Good (3:05:42 PM): ask yourself that…
Dr. Feel Good (3:06:00 PM): everyone has a friend that we talk "in code" with
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:06:12 PM): the secretive part makes you suspect something, and they cause the insecurity by being so secretive with another woman
Dr. Feel Good (3:06:15 PM): not saying that’s them, but we are all secretive
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:06:22 PM): oh ok
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:06:31 PM): well let’s break it down some more
Dr. Feel Good (3:06:38 PM): I think you guys are creating your own insecurity
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:07:41 PM): so listen. SB confessed her undying love to my man after she found out we were together... I know they are just friends but that doesn’t mean a girl won’t try to wear the man down.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:08:32 PM): we know these girls are vicious, sneaky, and after the good men.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:08:52 PM): and how long can a man turn down someone EVERYTIME! When she practically throw herself at him!
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:09:15 PM): See I’m cool. I told my man. I don’t care if they are friends
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:09:30 PM): it doesn’t bother me
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:09:39 PM): I don’t want to know their every convo either
Dr. Feel Good (3:09:30 PM): would you say Steven please
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:09:43 PM): lol ok
Dr. Feel Good (3:09:34 PM): but it does
Dr. Feel Good (3:09:38 PM): so don’t lie to him
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:10:23 PM): No. it doesn’t
Dr. Feel Good (3:10:33 PM): yes IT DOES
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:10:35 PM): the secret part does
Dr. Feel Good (3:10:47 PM): you can lie to Steven, you can lie to you, don’t lie to me
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:11:38 PM): but why can’t we all be cool
Dr. Feel Good (3:12:04 PM): point is, if Steven had the same secret talk with me, would you suspect anything? If every time I called, he got up and left, would you care?
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:12:34 PM): no
Dr. Feel Good (3:12:43 PM): exactly
Dr. Feel Good (3:12:54 PM): NOW
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:12:50 PM): exactly what?
Dr. Feel Good (3:13:04 PM): I'm bout to bring it full circle hold on
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:14:59 PM): but I will still wonder what yall was talking about. Not trying to be nosey, but wanting to know everything was ok
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:15:50 PM): I know you didn’t confess your undying love to him too after you found out WE were together
Dr. Feel Good (3:16:39 PM): the reason you DONT like their relationship is because of the trust you don’t have for her. you may be ok with Steven talking to other women, and so you tell yourself its ok because you don’t want to trip on him and make him upset, but the fact is because of her reputation, and maybe their history (I don’t know if they ever dated before, just speculating), you do not TRUST the relationship. So something that is a normal action with Steven and his friends or even with other women, you become suspect of it when talking to Sharon just because of the simple idea that you do not trust HER
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:17:21 PM): ok that maybe true
Dr. Feel Good (3:17:39 PM): he probably acts the same with her, just seems different just because it’s Ms Sharon
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:17:46 PM): because Steven has plenty of female FRIENDS such as Stephanie. I know Stephanie is his homey, I don’t suspect her
Dr. Feel Good (3:18:28 PM): so my point stands
Dr. Feel Good (3:18:34 PM): just tell Steven the truth. Tell him "I do not trust Sharon because …"
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:18:55 PM): I don’t want to control who he's friends with
Dr. Feel Good (3:19:09 PM): that’s not controlling, that’s addressing
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:19:18 PM): well it’s been addressed
Dr. Feel Good (3:19:27 PM): address it again, but differently
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:19:07 PM): I just want to be a part of the relationship
Dr. Feel Good (3:19:16 PM): that’s selfish
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:19:25 PM): what’s selfish?
Dr. Feel Good (3:19:56 PM): wanting to be apart of your boyfriends relationships
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:20:07 PM): so let me ask you this.
Dr. Feel Good (3:20:14 PM): NOW HOLD ON, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:20:33 PM): how is it I can I a part of friendship with Stephanie, whom I never met in the flesh, but not Sharon?
Dr. Feel Good (3:20:48 PM): what I mean is, wait for the invitation. Don’t invite yourself
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:20:53 PM): oh ok
Dr. Feel Good (3:21:34 PM): the situation is delicate, so you have to treat it that way. Because if you over react, it could cost you your relationship. You may say some things out of anger that imply you don’t trust Steven. When really, you just don’t trust her
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:22:26 PM): SEE THAT’S WHY YOU'RE DR FEEL GOOD!
Dr. Feel Good (3:23:06 PM): *pats myself on the back* thank you
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:23:14 PM): it makes sense
Dr. Feel Good (3:23:33 PM): good
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:23:35 PM): I see how he get a little uneasy when she text or calls around me
Dr. Feel Good (3:23:41 PM): yes
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:23:53 PM): but if he doesn’t answer being a woman I’ll probably trip. And if he does answer, he'll hurry and get off and I’ll still be mad.
Dr. Feel Good (3:24:08 PM): because probably thinks its a lose lose situation
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:24:17 PM): I THINK HE DOES
Dr. Feel Good (3:24:32 PM): so what’s the lesser of all the evils? “Just answer normally and do what you usually do.” That’s what he is thinking
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:25:22 PM): you're right
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:25:32 PM): see I don’t want to come off insecure
Dr. Feel Good (3:25:38 PM): exactly
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:25:46 PM): because I don’t feel like it’s the case
Dr. Feel Good (3:25:48 PM): so you must COMMUNICATE THAT
Dr. Feel Good (3:26:06 PM): you have to tell the truth and communicate what you do, and don’t, trust.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:27:08 PM): see pat yourself on the back, again!
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:27:19 PM): it makes sense
Dr. Feel Good (3:27:23 PM): lol
Dr. Feel Good (3:27:36 PM): last thing,
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:29:17 PM): listening
Dr. Feel Good (3:29:35 PM): you have to give him reason to trust you. He probably doesn’t fully trust the fact that "you don’t care about their relationship", and it’s because that’s not fully true. Tell Him how you TRULY feel, so he can TRULY trust you. That way, he doesn’t have to have a heart attack every time she calls when you are around.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:29:52 PM): you think?
Dr. Feel Good (3:30:00 PM): yes
Dr. Feel Good (3:30:25 PM): but you have to be specific and DELICATE
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:30:37 PM): I know. I don’t want to bring it up out the blue
Dr. Feel Good (3:31:00 PM): lol yes please don’t!!
Dr. Feel Good (3:31:06 PM): but be prepared for some disagreeing
Dr. Feel Good (3:31:14 PM): he is going to defend her. Any friend would
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:31:23 PM): he has before, which bothered me before
Dr. Feel Good (3:31:37 PM): don’t let it, you would do the same
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:31:44 PM): I guess
Dr. Feel Good (3:31:49 PM): you would, we all would
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:31:53 PM): but it was my choice
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:32:09 PM): he knows alllll my male friends
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:32:13 PM): they are now his friends and call him
Dr. Feel Good (3:32:16 PM): and?
Dr. Feel Good (3:32:35 PM): that is also your choice to let him in on all that action.
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:32:41 PM): ok
Dr. Feel Good (3:32:54 PM): that’s your TRUST LANGUAGE lol
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:33:00 PM): oh lol
Dr. Feel Good (3:33:07 PM): I just made that up, but you get what I am saying
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:33:17 PM): yeah
Dr. Feel Good (3:33:51 PM): because we treat others, in relationships at least, subconsciously how we want to be treated; what we want done to and for us
Dr. Feel Good (3:34:47 PM): so you want that from him, and you think it’s a big deal for Steven to be friends with all your male friends. But to him, if may not mean as much

Dr. Feel Good (3:35:08 PM): heck, he may not even care either way

ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:35:58 PM): yeah
ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (3:36:03 PM): you're right