Darius: “For the last time Nina, Lisa and I are over. You and I are together. So tell me, what is your problem?”
Nina: “How am I suppose to believe that?”
Darius: “Because I just sat here and told you.”
Nina: “Well that’s not good enough.”
Darius: “What are you talking about?”
Nina: “I’m talking about the blackboard, with her phone number on it. I’m talking about the phone calls at 5 am. I’m talking about trying to read your mind…”
Darius: “You don’t know [nothing] about trust. You the one that went to New York and [slept with] old boy.”
Nina: “You acted like you didn’t even care.”
Classic situation of not trusting your partner. Darius says whole heartedly that a woman he was previously dating is no longer an issue, Nina is disagreeing based on the evidence left behind. Darius claims she’s the one not trustworthy since she went out of town to see some ex for closure, when they were beginning a relationship. But Nina only went to because Darius played the “I’m cool” role about it and wanted to prove a point. Really its not that Darius was cool about it, Darius just wasn’t worried since he was doing his “job”.
So now there is this big elephant in the room that no one is speaking on, and because of the silence, it all aggressively came out at once. Bible speaks of being “slow to anger”, and this is one of the main reasons why. Because of Nina’s accusations on Darius, he got so fed up that he broke up with Nina. And judging by the look on her face when Darius spoke those words, that wasn’t her intended outcome of the situation. Letting things linger in the way Nina did, can bring out the opposite of your intentions. Its not just about what you say, it’s how you say it. Food can taste good, but sometimes its presentation will you drive to not even want to find out.
The moral of the story is not whether Darius was lying about dating Lisa, rather that we have to learn to trust what our partner is telling us. Unless it is painfully obvious he/she is lying. I’m not asking you to be naïve of course. Because if you don’t have trust, what do you really have? If you do not trust your partner, then you become this obsessive, insecure stalker who is always challenging the words of your partner, and treating a simple conversation like an FBI interrogation. And who wants that?
I don’t know the solution necessarily because every situation is different. But I do have a theory. That theory is called “understanding.” Communicate with your partner so you can try to understand their point, or whatever their defense is. And really listen to whatever it is they are saying. If you don’t understand how you partner thinks, or the type of decisions they make, then it’s going to be a LONG road ahead of you. Ask rational, intelligent questions without the co-signing of an attitude. And if you do suspect something, do not treat them like you caught them in the act of committing the crime, be normal! Law states, innocent until proven guilty, so keep it that way.
I am going to use myself as an example and then I am done. I am a flirt. Any woman who dates me needs to understand that. I do it for fun, and to keep the air clean. Difference between me and niggas though are my intentions. I may be a charming individual, but I simply press the demo button on the packaging of the action figure. I leave the product in the store where I found it, ya mean?
Nina: “How am I suppose to believe that?”
Darius: “Because I just sat here and told you.”
Nina: “Well that’s not good enough.”
Darius: “What are you talking about?”
Nina: “I’m talking about the blackboard, with her phone number on it. I’m talking about the phone calls at 5 am. I’m talking about trying to read your mind…”
Darius: “You don’t know [nothing] about trust. You the one that went to New York and [slept with] old boy.”
Nina: “You acted like you didn’t even care.”
Classic situation of not trusting your partner. Darius says whole heartedly that a woman he was previously dating is no longer an issue, Nina is disagreeing based on the evidence left behind. Darius claims she’s the one not trustworthy since she went out of town to see some ex for closure, when they were beginning a relationship. But Nina only went to because Darius played the “I’m cool” role about it and wanted to prove a point. Really its not that Darius was cool about it, Darius just wasn’t worried since he was doing his “job”.
So now there is this big elephant in the room that no one is speaking on, and because of the silence, it all aggressively came out at once. Bible speaks of being “slow to anger”, and this is one of the main reasons why. Because of Nina’s accusations on Darius, he got so fed up that he broke up with Nina. And judging by the look on her face when Darius spoke those words, that wasn’t her intended outcome of the situation. Letting things linger in the way Nina did, can bring out the opposite of your intentions. Its not just about what you say, it’s how you say it. Food can taste good, but sometimes its presentation will you drive to not even want to find out.
The moral of the story is not whether Darius was lying about dating Lisa, rather that we have to learn to trust what our partner is telling us. Unless it is painfully obvious he/she is lying. I’m not asking you to be naïve of course. Because if you don’t have trust, what do you really have? If you do not trust your partner, then you become this obsessive, insecure stalker who is always challenging the words of your partner, and treating a simple conversation like an FBI interrogation. And who wants that?
I don’t know the solution necessarily because every situation is different. But I do have a theory. That theory is called “understanding.” Communicate with your partner so you can try to understand their point, or whatever their defense is. And really listen to whatever it is they are saying. If you don’t understand how you partner thinks, or the type of decisions they make, then it’s going to be a LONG road ahead of you. Ask rational, intelligent questions without the co-signing of an attitude. And if you do suspect something, do not treat them like you caught them in the act of committing the crime, be normal! Law states, innocent until proven guilty, so keep it that way.
I am going to use myself as an example and then I am done. I am a flirt. Any woman who dates me needs to understand that. I do it for fun, and to keep the air clean. Difference between me and niggas though are my intentions. I may be a charming individual, but I simply press the demo button on the packaging of the action figure. I leave the product in the store where I found it, ya mean?
1 comment:
Ok disregard the last comment (on the last post)... THIS ENTRY is by far my favorite! I would be lying if I said I never crossed the bridge of letting things linger and exploding just to get an outcome I wasnt expecting! Without Trust you have nothing, and a relationship only last with communication. You're good Dr. Phil good!
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