Today is the first entry I am going to write that is is apart of a philosophy I call, "Interviewing the Elephant." Its where I talk about the things no one wants to talk about. You know, the elephant in the room.
I am going to dive right in, and keep it 100. Expectations in a relationship. The quote from the movie Rush Hour, Chris Tucker is demanding he get some REAL information since he gave the guy $45 and is EXPECTING some results from that. Now there are many things to speak on so the first thing I will bring to your attention is rewardzone. If anyone shops at Best Buy, then you know rewardzone is a program to where every dollar you spend equals a point. Gain so many points, you get money back in the mail and qualify for special offers. Now ask yourself, "what are the benefits of my rewardzone program?" We all do things in a relationship that we feel proves our love and affection for our mate. We buy gifts, take you places, stand by you on good, and bad, decisions, and so on. We put in work, as the young kids say. But what if that kinda work is a required? Is there even a reward for that kind of work? How do you measure what's over and beyond and whats expected? Because over and beyond gets you promoted at the job, doing whats expected just keeps you getting a paycheck. Gotta put in some overtime if you want some better results.
Lets continue with this rewardzone idea for a moment. In rewardzone, it requires currency to purchase things, but not everything you purchase is worth any points, only "tangible items." Tangible is defined as having actual physical existence...therefore being capable of assigning value [to it]. Whats expected in a relationship first of all comes from whats valued. How much currency to you really have to be able to buy something tangible in someone's rewardzone? Is what you are bringing to the table on a daily basis substantial? Loyalty is a huge reward in my book. If you stick by me through the good and the bad, put up with my attitude, and all that comes to follow, you get double the points. I reward people based off the moments that count, the little things you know. When I am at work and I have no money because I forgot my wallet so you buy me food. Thats love! When i open the door for you in the car and you reach over and unlike mine, THATS LOVE! Thats what I reward. Not the fancy dinner, or the birthday gifts, (unless its something I REALLY like), or anything TRADITIONAL. You have to do something outside the box to get my points.
Lets take another example I spoke on a while ago. Mixing friends with your mate. On the one hand, she introduces all her male friends to her boyfriend and they all cool, even sometimes talk on the phone. But the boyfriend doesn't introduce ALL her male friends and keeps some distant because its not a good idea to mix the two. The girlfriend becomes jealous, demands to know the mysterious person, and uses the fact that she introduces all her friends, so why can't you!? What if the guy doesnt care about meeting ALL of your friends? You will never know unless you ask. You cannot expect him to do the things you do to show love if thats not what he feels defines love.
I reward when you do something out of the ordinary, like bring me a present on a random tuesday, or cook me Cinnamon banana pancakes because you know I have been craving them. Doing things to show you are listening to me. Now do not come and try to attack me saying, "Well, I do this, this, and this, for him and he doesn't even appreciate it!" How we ever stopped to try and figure out whats actually important to the person we are serving? She expects certain undiscussed actions because we are in a relationship. Just like women expect that after 4-5 years of dating, YOU, not her, YOU are going to pop the question with a Diamond ring to solidify the purity and sincerity of your request! The saying goes, "you get what you pay for." Well how about you get what you work for.
So hop up out the bed and turn your swag on, then you can have the things you feel you deserve.
5 comments:
People often think that things are a given and they indeed are not. Gotta make sure you are on the same page with expectations.
Well...I agree to a certain extent. Your comments about finding out what pleases the other person earn it comes to acts of kindness...True.
A good book about things like that is called The Five Love Languages.
It explains what appeals to different people when it comes to acts of love and kindness. Anyway...good job!
I dunno... Bible says... "A man that finds a wife, finds a good thing" [Look it up] we can't make it up! but on the real deal... Women and men would not have these problems if men could just read women's minds... everything would be simple! Haha... Yeah I know ABSURD!
Dame Diva - already read the book.
Mi Amor - never said a woman was a bad thing.
I think you guys may have gotten sidetrack with the specifics, instead of reading it as a whole. Point was, everything that you do is not always rewarded, because maybe to that person, its value it not high enough to receive a reward. And the things that one person feels defines love does not mean the same ideal defines it for the next guy. everyone is different, know who u are dating, so you can know what means what, and to who does it mean it to.
Uhhhhh....Yeah....I did get it smarty pants! I was just realating your blog to a book I read....I said I agreed!
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