"A Monologue For All"

Do not think of this as me. Just read it.

I have a constant battle within, and now I know its a battle between my flesh and my spirit. I have seen the price of letting your flesh win and its a heavy one, period. But I have never been so torn in my life. It is as if, I am two people and I do not know how to exhaust one of them off. I cannot have two consciousness and live. I must have one. I must live for God. I have to stop blaming others and start making a difference. I have to forgive my mother for all the pain she may have caused me. I have to forgive my father for all the pain he may have caused me. I have to forgive my friends for all the pain they may have caused me. I have to forgive my family for all the pain they may have caused me. I have to forgive myself for all the pain I may have caused me.

I feel so lost, but yet I feel so directed. Because in the heart of the destruction OF myself, I have DISCOVERED myself. In the eye of the storm, I have found reasoning and purpose in the eyes of the Lord. I need a difference in my life. I need a vision, I need a commitment to God. I need a change. I need to tell God how much I love Him and tell others the same. I have to be able to speak His name not only in fear, but it glory. To spread the Gospel and tell my own story.

I must rid myself of the constant temptation I am faced with. I must run from fornication. I must run from any sexual temptation or frustration I have. I must let go and let God.

I must accept accountability and responsibility for the actions, and thoughts, performed by me.

I can not be ruled by what the enemy has placed as a road block in my life. I can not be stopped by the fiery darts of wickedness. I must not harden my heart. I must commit to God, because I am only content through God.

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary. Lord shape me, mold me, teach me. The wealth in which I need you is more exuberant than the requirements you would have of me. Lord you have given me a purpose and a promise, and I plan to fulfil them both. I would rather die chasing you oh God, than live running from you. Lord teach me to take up my cross daily oh God, not just so that I can suffer like you suffered Lord, because suffering means nothing without purpose. But Lord, to suffer like you suffered so I can help bring others to you and you save them, just like you saved me.

Lord teach me to carry your cross and not my crops Lord God, and teach me the difference between the two. Lord, remind me oh God that you will not put a cross on me that's too big for me to carry. And if you do Lord, its just to see if I will carry it anyway oh God. To see if i will still praise and thank you oh Lord for doing all the things you have done and are going to do. To praise you for delivering me Lord God, even as I am held captive.

"And For this reason I kneel before the Father...I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen me with power through his Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I...may grasp how wide, and long, and high, and deep is the love of Christ...that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."* Amen

*(words taken from Ephesians 3:14-20, no its not how it is written in the bible, but I wanted to make it personal)

"A Short Story"

A great debator, no one is greater. a metaphoric organism, call me the terminator. cause im trying to change my future, but not by correcting my past. making a difference in my present, so i can be free at last. Living out King's Dream, with my Eyes On The Prize. Resounding loud "God is Real", until my demise.

"Reasonable Doubt VS Blueprint 3"

Now I realize this is quite early to make a comment about this, but it is beginning to frustrate me with the lack of enthusiasm behind Jay-Z's new album "Blueprint 3", even from long time fans. Let’s take a trip back in time shall we. You ask any Jay lover what the best album he ever made was, what is their response? Reasonable Doubt. But 87% of those people can't quote not one bar from that album, and some, don't even know tracks from the Album. So how can you conclude this is the best album he ever did and not know $#@T about it? Its because they are just rolling with what others would say. Reasonable Doubt was a great album lyrically, because he still had Big and Pac alive, so he HAD to come hard. How many of you actually listen to Reasonable Doubt before any other Jay-Z CD? Hmmm, I wonder...

Blueprint happens to my favorite Jay-Z album. Just had a different feel than any other Album before it and he did it in a little over a week. Holy $#@T !!! Now that's Talent with a capital T! Reasonable Doubt is a "classic" because at the time in which it was released, Hip Hop was in a state that Reasonable Doubt belongs in the Top 5 albums of all time. The Black Album is also another CD with the same situation. As i was telling Aaron, the anticipation, the swag, the producers, and the direction of Hip Hop, Black Album should be his best album ever. He gave the people exactly what they wanted and they loved him for it. But what determines an albums initiation into the Hall of Fame? Its substance or its sales? Lets face it, Jay-Z on his worse day, is better than 90% of rappers best day.

Classic is just defined by age. Period. It is not the measuring deivce of any album’s potential or potency. Now I will admit that I should not call Blueprint 3 a classic because it’s too new to even be considered one. But I guarantee I will be labeled one eventually. Jay Decided he was "off that" and wanted to be different with his new album in correlation to the times we are in with Hip Hop. Which once again, makes it great for its time. Jay is old and trying to rap about something parallel to his situation, while simultaneously paving the road for up and coming rookies like Drake and Kid Cudi. He wants to retire, he has been trying to retire since Reasonable Doubt!! But name an artist that can take over the game like Jay has that’s alive right now? Not Drake, Not Kanye, and certainly not Lil Wayne. Blueprint 3 is upbeat, swag infested, and lyrically playful but yet not too far away from his lyrical ability. “Me, I’m from the apple, which means I’m a mac. Shorty’s a PC, she lives in my lap.” With creative lines like this and production that rivals anything else on the market, tell me it’s not great.

Rather you like it or not, Hip Hop is no longer about shooting people, selling drugs, and having sex with women all day. It’s about fast music, creative bars, and a good video. Ludacris is one of the most creative lyricist alive but has never gotten his shot at serious fame because he was never talking about what other rappers were talking about. Jay is being the pioneer for this type of music to become a standard so artist like Drake can take over. People like Gucci Mane and Jeezy have mainstreamed gangsta rap into something fun to listen to, and no longer a story to tell about their past like Big and Pac did. Because when it comes to music, it’s not about what’s said, but truthfully, about what wants to be heard.

"Confused Desire"

(No Ms. Eaton, this has nothing to do with you in any way, this was written a while ago, just so happens i am posting it today. just in case u feel like its directed to you)

So today's quick lesson will be on desire. With all the things that our hearts desire and seek, it can be quite confusing to know what you desire, versus whats just in front of you. In relationship terms, sometimes you desire someone else so much, you express that lust with whoever is in front of you or will give you the time of day, even if its more than one person. That can be quite confusing and damaging to the body and soul. Its definitely a translucent torment that you alone can attest to its emotional weight and pain. The pain caused by trying to hold it in your hands, but its too much of a heavy load to carry on your own. So you release it to others in the hopes they can relieve some of the stress.

That is a battle i had in my mind and heart and I see it clear as mountain fresh water. Its not fair to the person you express it with, even though i know its just like opening a valve, it can relieve so much bottled up pressure. The remedy is to just simply reveal your desire to the intended person and let it go. Because its not the fact that you want them that drives you insane, its typically the idea that you "could" be with them. it is definitely a living fantasy that just grows more in depth and vivid the longer it stays solely in your heart and not on the listening ears of the intended audience. Yes it will hurt if they say "no," but it feels a lot better than assuming its "yes."

"All the single Ladies, ALL the single Ladies!!"

***Warning. This is in no way a disrespect to the male race and our choices in women. Just stating a fact.***

Yesterday I had an epiphany while talking to my sister and her co-worker. Her co-worker was screaming about how can men ask for certain things, and they are even dating yet. Where my input began was saying "guys are simple, women are complex." But where it got interesting for me was when I said, "Men make the mistake of calling an independent woman stuck up or hard to get." To elaborate, we evaluated the difference between approaching a non-independent woman and an independent woman.

A non-independent woman you can approach any way you like, any time you like and she will give you attention, even if its to tell you "BYE!" More often you get the response you are looking for and you can quickly move on to your objective. Your chances of success are so high this typically the woman you seek out more often than not when you are at the bar.

An independent woman you have to catch at the right time to get her attention because if she is on a mission to handle some business she is not going to be distracted by YOU (unless you have something seriously going for you). Only way she will talk to you is if she approaches you, not the other way around. Too many times have I witnessed guys get shot down by an independent woman because he is use to the responses of a non-independent woman. Just won't work! I have been shot down as well, I would be a liar if I said I get them every time.

I get the independent woman (when I do succeed lol) because I caught at a moment when she is open, not closed. My sister made a joke, laughing as she says "That's why fools seem to slip through the cracks because they catch you at the right time." Most times she is closed and on her cell phone, so thats a no go. To get her attention, you must be able to break the ice SWIFTLY. Otherwise, she will chalk you up as a loser like the rest of the guys. You must be creative and original. For homework, watch in Hitch, the scene where Will Smith and Eva Mendes meet for the first time at the bar. Watch the interaction with the douchebag before Will and watch Will's. Most guys approach women such as Eva like the douchebag did, even if they have the creativity like Will. Difference is, Will got in 'dem drawers and not him! LMBO

"Pause for Poetry"

the validity of my epiphany has sovereign authenticity. the sorrow of my morrow is cause for favor to gallows. the essence of my present is neither incandescent nor pleasant. the crash of my past is translucent as a looking glass. there is no mystery in my constant misery. a story of false glory. but there is a hope that i grope. a place where God and peace elope. the tranquility of Gods soliloquy inherited to me. A voice of reason, of a voice of passion. An axiom that's everlasting...

"And Your Point is?" Pt 3

So I wrote all of that just to simply talk about one thing, relationships. Just be careful when choosing people you want to hang with in your spare time. This is not just about dating, but about friends as well. Don't just choose someone to be friends with cause they have a little bit of dough and they can spend it on you and not care. Don't do things that are beneath you just because you see the success of a man and you want to be worry free financially so do whatever he tells you. Fellas, don't change your values just because a woman is insanely beautiful and is giving you play, women are users too!!! You can live without all these people. You were fine before you met them, you will be even better afterwards. Make a man or woman appreciate you. Surround yourself with positive energy and positive people. Prophesy into your life all the things you want, the places you want to go, the people you want to meet (and marry). Ask God for Guidance and selection. I swear He will not lead you wrong!

" The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther The King Jr" - Pt 2

"This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day."

Here is a man who truly projects one of thee most untainted definitions of Character in the last 100 years. Dr. King knew what he was up against in his race against equality amongst the black community during his time, yet his Character did not allow him to deter from traveling down such a temerarious road. His courage so impregnable, even the fear of a forthcoming death did not sway his concise judgement to continue fighting against the oppression of Coloreds.

In the final portion of the earth's architecture is the Core. The core, also made up of two parts, represents your Character. Your inner core is what you KNOW to be right or wrong, while your outer core is what you chose to do with that information. This is why it is cloaked by your the mantle or your personality, because your personality is usually a derivative of your Character. Character is what has been instilled into you since you were fresh from the womb. And that doesn't necessarily mean your mother's either. Character being morals and values and beliefs, thats not something you are born with. Its when you decide to live life a certain way regardless of prior teachings, believes, or actions. This could be good or bad. Character is what etches your DNA on the Mural of life. It is your psychological blueprint designed for others to read and build from.

"Bugs Bunny" - Pt 1

Whats up Doc? Ohhhh, nothin' much I'm Chilled!!! Listen, everyone take your seats, including you Bugs. The Doctor is in the building, so the show must begin...

Today I want to speak on Character. Character is defined as "the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing; moral or ethic quality." Everyone that knows me is in a parallel accord that I am a Looney Toon. But that is just the surface, I am a doctor at heart. I want you to invision the earth as the mascot for my analogy today. The earth has three layers. The crust, the mantle, and the core.

The crust is simple, its what you see when you look at the earth. The crust is the extensions of ourselves. It what we wear, what we drive, what we eat. All things created by Mother Nature. Mother Nature is our environment. Depending on how Mother nature decided to feed us and make us grow, depends on what we take interest in and what we chose to show that interest. This is where most relationships get caught in and never proceed to something real because they love someone for what they can do for you, and not the person themselves.

The mantle, being a highly viscous property, is where your personality lies. This is how you act under certain conditions, which is why there are two sections to it, upper mantle and mantle. The upper mantle is more resistant to pressure that the mantle is. Keep that in mind as I define the two different circumstances. Circumstance one being normal, circumstance two being abnormal or extreme. Normal is just our everyday interaction with nouns (person, place, or thing). The verb (action taken) that is accompanied by that noun is dependent on the derective of the noun, I.E. if someone has an attitude or some approaches you with positive energy. Since your upper mantle is first and is more resistant, you may not act a fool if they have an attitude. But if they irritate you enough to reach your mantle, there may be a different result.

"For $45 You Better Tell Me Something!!"- Chris Tucker

Today is the first entry I am going to write that is is apart of a philosophy I call, "Interviewing the Elephant." Its where I talk about the things no one wants to talk about. You know, the elephant in the room.

I am going to dive right in, and keep it 100. Expectations in a relationship. The quote from the movie Rush Hour, Chris Tucker is demanding he get some REAL information since he gave the guy $45 and is EXPECTING some results from that. Now there are many things to speak on so the first thing I will bring to your attention is rewardzone. If anyone shops at Best Buy, then you know rewardzone is a program to where every dollar you spend equals a point. Gain so many points, you get money back in the mail and qualify for special offers. Now ask yourself, "what are the benefits of my rewardzone program?" We all do things in a relationship that we feel proves our love and affection for our mate. We buy gifts, take you places, stand by you on good, and bad, decisions, and so on. We put in work, as the young kids say. But what if that kinda work is a required? Is there even a reward for that kind of work? How do you measure what's over and beyond and whats expected? Because over and beyond gets you promoted at the job, doing whats expected just keeps you getting a paycheck. Gotta put in some overtime if you want some better results.

Lets continue with this rewardzone idea for a moment. In rewardzone, it requires currency to purchase things, but not everything you purchase is worth any points, only "tangible items." Tangible is defined as having actual physical existence...therefore being capable of assigning value [to it]. Whats expected in a relationship first of all comes from whats valued. How much currency to you really have to be able to buy something tangible in someone's rewardzone? Is what you are bringing to the table on a daily basis substantial? Loyalty is a huge reward in my book. If you stick by me through the good and the bad, put up with my attitude, and all that comes to follow, you get double the points. I reward people based off the moments that count, the little things you know. When I am at work and I have no money because I forgot my wallet so you buy me food. Thats love! When i open the door for you in the car and you reach over and unlike mine, THATS LOVE! Thats what I reward. Not the fancy dinner, or the birthday gifts, (unless its something I REALLY like), or anything TRADITIONAL. You have to do something outside the box to get my points. 

Lets take another example I spoke on a while ago. Mixing friends with your mate. On the one hand, she introduces all her male friends to her boyfriend and they all cool, even sometimes talk on the phone. But the boyfriend doesn't introduce ALL her male friends and keeps some distant because its not a good idea to mix the two. The girlfriend becomes jealous, demands to know the mysterious person, and uses the fact that she introduces all her friends, so why can't you!? What if the guy doesnt care about meeting ALL of your friends? You will never know unless you ask. You cannot expect him to do the things you do to show love if thats not what he feels defines love.

I reward when you do something out of the ordinary, like bring me a present on a random tuesday, or cook me Cinnamon banana pancakes because you know I have been craving them. Doing things to show you are listening to me. Now do not come and try to attack me saying, "Well, I do this, this, and this, for him and he doesn't even appreciate it!" How we ever stopped to try and figure out whats actually important to the person we are serving? She expects certain undiscussed actions because we are in a relationship. Just like women expect that after 4-5 years of dating, YOU, not her, YOU are going to pop the question with a Diamond ring to solidify the purity and sincerity of your request! The saying goes, "you get what you pay for." Well how about you get what you work for. 

So hop up out the bed and turn your swag on, then you can have the things you feel you deserve.